Forbidden Muse
by ChocolateLover82
Summary: When Edward Cullen had to return home after two years in Italy, he never expected to find new inspiration in a woman that was off limits. AH, ExB. *Originally written as an entry for the 'Pick a Pic Challenge'.*
1. First Encounters

**Pick A Pic Challenge**  
**Title: **Forbidden Muse  
**Penname: **Chocolate Lover 82  
**Banner: **27  
**Rating/ Disclaimer: **Rated M for language and lemons. Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all its characters, I just had a little fun with them.  
**Summary: **When Edward Cullen had to return home after two years in Italy, he never expected to find new inspiration in a woman that was off limits. AH, EPOV, ExB. Written for the Pick a Pic Challenge.

To see all the stories that are a part of this contest please visit: www(dot)fanfiction-challenges(dot)blogspot(dot)com Enjoy!

**Also, you can find the banner that inspired this O/S on my profile :-)**

**Thanks to Riotanthem for betaing this in the first place. Her patience knows no bounds :-)**

**02/21: FM, the O/S, has been re-edited and now split into two chapters. Thank you so much to Songster for her help in the re-edition.**

O~o~O~FM~O~o~O

The wind was picking up, making it difficult to keep on sketching, but I couldn't stop now, not when I didn't know how long she'd be sitting there under that tree. Seeing that the light was starting to slowly die, she'd be leaving at any second now.

No, I couldn't stop now.

I'd been coming to this park and sitting under this tree for the past two weeks, ever since I came back to the city. I didn't know how much I missed it until I took a walk around the neighborhood on the first day of my arrival. The noise, the people hurrying to get to their jobs, homes or wherever it was they were going, even the sounds of traffic sent me to a peaceful place, if you could believe it.

This place also took me back to my childhood years, when my brother Emmett and I used to run around the blocks on our way to the park chasing each other, driving my mother insane in the process. Once we got there, she'd just give up on trying to "rein us", as she put it, and let us be on our own for a few hours. We loved it. It was the few hours a week where we could be ourselves and get dirty without having to worry about homework, studying or anything else. We were there to be kids. Then my mother would take us to have lunch on a nearby restaurant and then we'd walk back home. It was a perfect day, one we used to wait so much to arrive during the week.

It all seemed so far away now. Like a lifetime had happened in between, and I supposed it had. Emmett and I grew up and stopped going to the park with Mom, stopped talking to each other, just ... stopped. In time, Emmett and I grew apart. We had different interests and friends, so coming here seemed more and more childish to Emmett, who was two years older than me.

I never stopped coming here though. Every time something bothered me or I just needed to be alone for a few hours, I'd come and watch the people pass by, wondering where did they go, who was waiting for them and what was the story behind them. That was how my love for drawing and painting started. I wanted to record on paper that little moment, that split second in which my life intersected with theirs, even if they didn't know it did. Maybe photography would've been a more obvious choice, but I liked adding little things oblivious to them and seeing how it was somewhat imperfect when I did it.

In time, I found myself drawn to this place more and more, which drove my mother crazy most of the days since I skipped school or forgot to tell her where I was going. Once she had enough of it, she suggested if it was something that I was taking this seriously then I could take some art classes and expand my interest so I could finally, finally stop going to the park so much. I was beyond happy with her for that and gladly traded my time there to go to art classes.

That turned out to be the best decision I'd ever made.

After high school I went to an art school here in New York. It opened such a big world of possibilities, not just in terms of finding new methods to express myself and discovering new techniques, but I also in finding a world I didn't even know existed. People from all over the world came to study here, each of them more different than the next one. It was such a difference from the sheltered world I came from. But that also introduced me to different types of experimentation: drugs, alcohol and women, usually all three of them together. It didn't help that my professors started to notice my work more and more which in turn attracted critics to our expositions so, in the end, they let it slide when I didn't show up at an important workshop or went to class barely able to stand straight.

Meanwhile, my brother, Emmett, went to get a business degree and specialized in finances. He was great with money, and it was a way to take care of the family money as well. Not that there was much need in the first place. We had plenty to spend.

When school was finally over, I couldn't wait to leave the city, see other places and start living off my work. I had money to support myself for a long time so there was no hurry for me, but I wanted to make it on my own and deep down, to prove to my parents and my brother that I was not the screw-up I ended up becoming in time. Yeah, I had a big ego by then and thought nothing could touch me, that I was better than the rest of those wannabes out there. This tore me away from my family. They tried to help me get clean, but time after time I went back to it, because I thought it made everything better.

When Irina, my ex counselor from school, told me about a one year program in Italy that was interested in having me, I jumped at the chance. I thought that I was too big now for the States and I could now show my worth somewhere else.

My parents were less than happy about it. We'd been having very little contact for the last year, except for the times when they wanted me to enter rehab, and me going to Italy was not going to help the situation. We had a big fight the night I broke the news to them and pretty much threw it in their faces that I didn't need them at all or their money. I was high and angry, thinking they didn't want me to reach my full potential, that they were the ones holding me back. Again, I was an arrogant prick.

Later that night, while I was packing, Emmett came to visit me saying mom was beyond consolable about my behavior and called me a "disgrace of a son". At that moment, it was like something snapped inside of me. _Who the hell did he think he was?_ For years, he was the aloof son that only cared about money and how to make more of it. Now here he was telling me how much of a bad son _I_ was being? It really didn't help that I was high at the moment, but years of putting up with his ridiculous behavior had to come out some day and that night it did. We fought and threw things at each other. I could only remember half the fight if I was being honest, but from that point on, the little relationship we had up until that point pretty much evaporated.

Twenty-four hours later, I was on a plane on my way to Italy.

I was really excited to be starting a new life there, away from all the drama and people who, in my opinion, didn't appreciate me. Soon, the reality of the real world came crashing down on me. I was nothing special there. Being surrounded with so much talent was a very sobering experience and it drove me to do my best work, to prove that even though I might not be better than them, I was better than what I claimed to be up to that point.

Renata, the woman in charge of the program, was the person that pretty much changed my life. She took no bullshit and saw the true artist that I was, pushing me beyond my self imposed limits. This drove me to get, and stay, clean and to focus on my work more than anything else. After that, I started to really enjoy painting again. One of the things that I had always loved, and seemed to be good at according to my professors, was observing the people around me and their behavior, something that I had stopped doing and thought I had lost in time. With the help of Renata, I started to _really _observing the world around me, to notice things that before I wouldn't have. She helped me to open my eyes again and this time I was not willing to close them again.

After finishing the program a year later, I moved around a lot, big cities or small towns, it didn't matter to me really. All I wanted to do was to tell stories, a moment in time that was forever painted on my canvas. I also loved to hear people's opinions of what they saw. Was it the same thing I saw? Were they able to maybe see more than what I had intended?

And that was what I did for the next two years of my life after leaving New York.

I called my parents whenever I was able to, after rekindling my relationship with them. It was still strained, but it was better than nothing and listening to the happy voice of my mom was all worth it. I also spent weeks at a time engrossed on a piece, changing it, redoing it or plain old starting it over, so under those circumstances it was hard to keep up with the events of my family.

Three weeks ago I was finally able to get out of my little world and called my parents for news from home. That was when everything changed. My mom was sick and had been for a few months. At _her insistence _my dad didn't contact me sooner. I was so mad at myself and for a moment at him, but what was he going to? I was hard to find, and he would do pretty much anything for her.

After that phone call, I decided to pack my things and get everything ready to come back to the States. I let the friend I was staying with know that I was leaving so he could get someone new and started packing my things. I left some of my pieces at the gallery they were in and they could contact me if they were sold. My most important pieces I was taking with me.

A week later, I was on a plane to New York to see my mother. I just hoped to God that I wasn't too late and that she'd be able to beat this.

O~o~O~FM~O~o~O

As the taxi drove through the city, memories of the places of my childhood surrounded me. So much had changed but, at the same time, it remained the same. I wondered how much my family had changed.

When the taxi reached the building, I was a nervous wreck. I told my dad I was back only after I arrived at the airport, that way he and mom wouldn't go to the airport to get me. I wouldn't be able to stand the silence of the car ride if only my dad showed up and if mom was there too, I wouldn't know how to react. How did she look? Did she already know I knew? How bad was it? Too many questions that would've been too much at the moment. I knew I was going to see her today, but I wanted that first time to be on a more familiar territory, a place where we could both be comfortable and without the audience of the travelers at the airport. Yes, this was much better.

I took my things, paid the driver and entered the building. Thank God, Ben was still working here and recognized me so, besides looking rather surprised at my presence, he helped me get my things to the elevator. The ride to the top floor was filled with anxiety for what I might find once I reached it. When the doors opened, the first sight to greet me was the one of my dad standing by the door to their two-floor apartment. I guessed Ben had let him know I was on my way up. At first glance, he looked the same as the last time I saw him. But looking closer, he had purple circles under his eyes, his skin looked paler, more wrinkles adorned his eyes and his hair had more grey in it now. But the biggest change was in his eyes. The once blue and warm eyes that were one of his best features were lifeless now, dull. God, how bad were things?

When he saw me, a little bit of light appeared in them and for a moment the Carlisle from two years ago was back. There was true happiness and pride in them. It made me regret the time apart and my part in it.

He opened his arms and came to me. I dropped my bags and went to meet him half-way. He hugged me like his life depended on it as his grip tightened on me. I let myself go and hugged him back with everything that I had in me. Years of being away without this came flooding back. It was good to be home again.

We broke the hug and he stared at me for a moment as if he didn't believe his eyes and he might wake up at any second. _I_ did this and it killed me to see that look in his eyes.

"Hi, Dad."

"Hello, son. Welcome home," he choked and led the way into the apartment. He helped me with my bags and we left them at the entrance hall. Dad said Angela would take care of things and take them to my old room.

I took in everything around me and noticed little changes here and there. But the main things were just the same.

"She just woke up from her nap. She'll be mad that we didn't tell her you were coming but thrilled to see you just the same," he said once he turned to me.

I nodded with a lump in my throat and asked, "How is she? Tell me the truth. I need to know what I'm facing before seeing her. How bad is it?"

He looked at me for a moment as if debating telling me what I was asking him. Finally he said, "It's not very good right now, Edward. She was diagnosed a couple of months ago and has been through hell. She just started a new round of chemo and she's weak because of it, but we're hoping there was an effect on the tumor this time." He shook his head and looked up at the ceiling. "She's strong and wants to live, but this … _thing _is eating her alive and it's killing me that there's nothing I can do to stop it but just wait and see if the treatment works."

When he looked at me, his eyes were filled with unshed tears. There was so much pain and hope in them; it made him look much older than he really was. I prayed to God that the treatment would work.

"She will get better, dad. Like you said, she's strong. She will be able to beat this and we'll all be here to help her," I said and looked at him in the eyes so that he knew the truth behind my next statement. "I'm not going anywhere anymore. I'm staying here for as long as she- no, for as long as you all need me."

My dad was looking at my eyes the entire time I was saying this and once he saw that I was being truthful, he sighed with relief. They will not be alone anymore.

"I'm glad to hear that, son. Now the family is together again, as it was always meant to be," he sighed. "Ok, now let's go see her and give her the surprise."

I followed him up the stairs and through the hall. We stood by the closed door, and he entered first to see if Mom was awake and in condition to see anyone. I stayed by the door in the meantime, so nervous about what I was going to say and do when I saw her. Would she be hurt by my absence? Angry that I got to see her like this? Suddenly my dad opened the door with a smile on his face, the first one I've seen on him in years.

"She wants to see you now," he said and moved out of the way to let me in.

The moment I saw her, my heart broke into a million pieces. I hated myself for not being here earlier. I even hated myself for the light that was in her eyes the moment she saw me, because that light should have always been there. They should be always shining the way they were at that moment.

She looked so skinny and her once beautiful caramel hair was short and thin. Her pale skin was almost translucent under the sunlight that came through the window. But with all of this, she still remained Esme, the beautiful and elegant woman that everyone who knew her loved. Not everything was lost, it couldn't be.

I looked into her eyes once again as I approached her. There, behind all the weakness of her body and the tiring of her battle, were the eyes of my mother. I was truly home once again. I all but ran toward her outstretched arms and held her while she cried in my arms, being careful not to harm her, she felt so small. I kept chanting that I was sorry and she kept telling me that it was ok, that I was finally here with her and that everything would be alright now. I hadn't realized I was crying until she moved back and started wiping my cheeks with her thumbs.

"I'm so glad you're finally home, Edward. I've been waiting for this for so long. I've missed you- we've missed you," she said while she glanced at dad, who was behind me close to the bed. I looked at him and saw that he also had tears in his eyes.

I stayed in her arms for a while, while dad slipped from the room and let us have our moment together. I settled beside her on the bed and started telling her stories of my time in Italy and other countries. The people I met, the places I saw, the food I enjoyed and, most of all, the art I saw that inspired my own work. She asked questions every now and then and closed her eyes trying to imagine those places, even the ones she already knew. She was seeing everything through new eyes, _my_ eyes. After a while, the excitement wore her down, so I told her that I'd let her sleep and that I'd be seeing her later. She seemed appeased by that, knowing that I wasn't going anywhere soon.

I went to find my dad at his study and we talked for a while. I told him again that I wasn't leaving, but that I needed my own space for painting and storing the rest of my pieces. I decided that I was going to find a studio in the city and stay there a few nights working, that way I wouldn't disturb mom since most of it was done during the night. I would still stay with them a few nights a week and probably eat with them often, since mom loved to have dinners with us and she had already commented on my "starving artist" look. I rolled my eyes at that but smiled at her, seeing her so happy with the prospect of taking care of me.

"So, are you even gonna ask about your brother Emmett?" my dad said after a while, doing a 180 on our conversation so far.

"What's there to ask? I assume he's ok and making money left and right at this point. He left it pretty clear last time we saw each other two years ago that he didn't approved of my 'lifestyle' and that I was pretty much a disgrace to the Cullen name by not getting a 'real job' like he did and that I was not to come crawling back when the money from my trust fund ran out. Does that qualify as to 'ask' about my brother Emmett, Dad?" I didn't mean to be this crass but this was a sore subject, and after two years of pushing the issue to the back of my mind, bringing it up after finding out about mom was not the best.

My dad stared at me as I told him this and simply sighed at my answer.

"I know that things haven't been the easiest for the both of you for a long time now, even before you left for Italy. I never wanted to get in the middle of it, preferring to just let the two of you handle it in your own time. But things changed." He cringed when he said this, as if it pained him. "And you two need to sit down and work things out. You both need to step up and be the men that your mother and I raised you to be and not let this rift get any bigger. If not for you two, then at least for your mother, Edward." He was pleading by now and with all of this in my mind, all I could do was nod. We'd see how things work and how would Emmett react.

After that, I went to unpack some of my things and started to settle to my new life. After a few hours dad and I had dinner with mom, which she didn't eat that much of, and I told her about my plans with the studio. She was a little sad about it, but understood and knew that I'd be here for her whenever she wanted me.

Next day, dad made a call to his realtor so he could find me a studio as soon as possible. Since mom slept most of the day, I took my sketch book and went to take a walk. I already knew where I was going. My park.

When I got there, I found my favorite tree and went to settle there. I loved this tree. It gave the perfect shade to shield me from the sun and allowed me to see everything without being seen that much.

I opened my sketch book and started to draw some lines of whatever caught my eye at the moment, kind of warming up to what would inspire me later. What was that? I didn't know yet.

And that's when I found what I was looking for. Inspiration.

A few feet from the tree where I was sitting, was a woman, mid twenties maybe, sitting under her own tree, leaning against it, reading a book. She was so entranced by her reading that she didn't notice the kids playing around her nor the noise from a group of guys playing catch. No, she was in her own little world of words, just as I was in my world of lines and shapes and color whenever I was working. That was a world I wanted to put onto paper, to record and never forget it.

Without thinking, I took my pen and sketch book and started drawing her. I had to work fast if I wanted to not only get all the details, but also add some color into it. God knows if I'd ever see her again and I couldn't count on my memory to be that good.

I started with the soft waves of her brown hair and how it fell down her shoulders, how those pouty lips were just perfect and I started wondering how they would taste. I continued with her elegant and naked neck. She was wearing a pair of jeans and a blue t-shirt that only accentuated the creamy white color of her skin. Once I was sure I got her features right, I started adding the color. I wanted to get just the right shade of brown for her hair with little red accents that only showed in a certain light, the right kind of color for her skin and the little tinge of pink that covered her cheeks, the contrast between the white and the blue of her skin and t-shirt.

By then I was in a frenzy. I wouldn't be able to stop even if I wanted. I wondered what it would be like to touch her neck, her arms, her cheeks, how soft they would feel against my hands, against my lips, my tongue. How my hand running through her silky hair would feel. But no, she was only the model here, only the inspiration to my next work, nothing more. I was here only to watch from afar, never be part of the scenery.

As I was thinking this, she started rising from her spot, never facing me. Took her things and started to walk way from me. As I watched her leave, I wondered if maybe I should run after her, do something to stop her? But why? Why did I care if I never saw her again and what could I possibly say to her? I'd look like a stalker, which is exactly what I've been doing this afternoon. No, I couldn't do that, so I just watched her leave. Once she was out of my sight, I looked at my work. Yes, it wasn't bad, but not what I really wanted it to be. There were so many details that were slipping through my fingers right now and that I'd never get back. Feeling frustrated, I took my things and walked back home. There would be no more work for me today.

As much as I tried to sleep that night, the memory of that girl kept me from it. Finally, I gave up and went to look for my sketchbook. I sat all night drawing her; her lips, legs, her hands and never feeling satisfied with any of them. There was something that was missing from them … her eyes. I realized I never saw her eyes and that was what was missing from all of my sketches: A soul.

This only drove me more insane; since there was a big chance I'd never see her again. After a while, I just gave up and went to bed, more frustrated than ever.  
Next day, I was on edge and my mom noticed. I didn't want to worry her and put more stress into her life, so I told her that it was gonna take a while to get used to this new routine but she shouldn't worry about it.

As the afternoon started to approach, I got even more restless. Would she be there again as yesterday? Probably not, but at this point I had to find out, I just had to. It was already eating me alive and it had only been one day!

I took my sketchbook and walked to the park. I took my time getting there to calm myself down a bit and and enjoy the scenery. It did offer some relief and peace, as it always did. I doubted anything else in the world would offer me this.

I got to the park and sat down under the same tree and started watching the people around me. What they did, who they were with. And that's when I saw her. She was wearing a red dress today and carrying not only a book but some sort of blanket under her arm as well. I could still not see her face very well from where I was, but what I could see blew my mind. If I thought she was beautiful yesterday, today she looked like a goddess. The sun was shining on her hair, highlighting even more of those red traces I saw yesterday. And her body ... what can I say? She had perfect curves, long legs and the color of the dress even gave her skin some rosy color that I hadn't noticed before. Yes, there was a lot I hadn't noticed and it was looking more and more that I would be aware of new details every time I saw her in the future. _If_ that were to ever happen again.

She set the blanket under the same tree and settled in, finding a comfortable position before starting to read again. At that moment a soccer ball was tossed in front of her, startling her. The moment she picked it up, she started laughing. And what a laugh it was, I would give anything to hear that again. A small child came running through the field and she gave him the ball back. She started talking to him but he was blocking my view of her. When the little child left that was when I saw it. Her face. She was looking in the direction of where he went and had a beautiful smile on her face.

I could see more details of her face now; the color of her lips was a beautiful shade of cherry; the softness of her skin, the shape of her eyes, jaw, nose. Her cheeks were a little pink, maybe from the laughing with the little boy and the little rays of sun that illuminated her face from where she sat. When she turned to go back to reading her book, our eyes met for a moment and I finally got to see her. Truly _her_.

They say the eyes are the windows to the soul and I never believed it until now. She spoke with her eyes; two chocolate pools of emotions and secrets, things that I found myself desperate to know more about. She broke the moment by going back to her book, a small blush covering her skin.

It was at that moment that I realized that all of the work I had done yesterday was useless now. I could never draw her without thinking of those eyes. None of those drawings would ever be complete without them. It was almost pointless trying to use her as a model, for any of the drawings would always be incomplete. If today I found a million details that I never even noticed only a day before, what would I notice tomorrow? Or the day after that? She would always haunt me and would be an unfinished work.

I took big breaths, trying to calm myself from this realization. I had to get out of here. I would not let her own me like this. I got up, picked up my things and took off, without even looking at her again.

That night was even worse than the one before. Those damn eyes kept haunting me. The colors of her skin, her blush, her lips, her hair and her eyes all played in front of me. The shapes were taunting me to take them and put them in a canvas. To not let them go. And that's what I did. I got up and took one of my blank canvases. Taking and mixing the right colors that I needed, I started painting.

O~o~O~FM~O~o~O

The next day, I was a wreck and I couldn't face my mom like this. Thank God my dad's realtor found me a place, a studio that was available right away. I sealed the deal and planned on moving in that same day. I could see that my mood was upsetting my mom, as she often asked me if I was ok. Again, I played the "getting used to this new life" card, but I could see she didn't believe that very much.

"Edward, I worry about you," she said later that day. "I understand this 'moody artist' look you get now, but I don't have to like it. You seem so edgy lately, and I hear you working until very late at night. You look so tired and barely eat. Talk to me, honey. What's going on?"

I hated to worry her but most of all, I didn't know what to tell her. _I_ didn't even know what was going on with me anymore.

"It's nothing, Mom. Please don't worry about me, worry about getting better. I'm just being my 'moody artist' self, as you put it." I smiled the best smile I could to try to convince her that I was ok. She sighed and placed her palm on my left cheek. After looking into my eyes for a while, she nodded, kissed my forehead and stood up. Yes, she definitely didn't believe me.

I got all my things together with the help of my dad and started to unpack in my new place. The size of it was perfect for me. It had a large open space where I could set my canvases and paints and work under the light that came through the windows. To the left, there was a small place where the bedroom would be located and a door that went to the bathroom. It had one of those old fashioned bathtubs, which I'd find no use for, but it had a shower as well so as long as I could clean myself, I didn't care about the rest. To the right side of the studio there was a small kitchen, with all things necessary to cook. Not that I'd be cooking that much, especially once I started working on a piece. I barely remember the time of the day, let alone remember to eat.

Once I was settled and my Mom was done giving me ideas about how to make the place look more 'homey', the memories of yesterday started to come. The colors, the shapes, her voice, all of it. Especially the colors, they haunted me. I closed my eyes and saw all the reds, whites, pinks … browns. They were begging me to set them free, out of my head and onto a canvas. And that was what I did. I didn't go to the park that afternoon and barely stopped for the rest of the day.

I didn't stop until dawn.

The next day, Friday, I was restless. I was surrounded by paintings and drawings of this mystery woman. They were scattered all over the place and even though it seemed like she was everywhere, I felt like I needed more of her.

I picked up my sketchbook and a few things and headed out the door. I was going back to the park.

Once I reached my spot under the tree I saw that she was already sitting under hers, reading. I settled slowly without taking my eyes off of her, trying to see her reactions to seeing me there. Did she remember me? Was she as affected as I was? She didn't seem to be, and for some reason, that bothered me. Why was I the only one that felt this?

I opened my sketch book and started drawing her, trying to get the details as good as I could. I was glad that at least I was able to exorcise some of what had been haunting me for the past day. The moment I placed my pencil on the paper, was the moment I found peace and let myself go. It had always been the case when I work, but now it felt different, like unraveling the secret that was this woman drove my work this time.

I didn't stop until she lifted herself from the ground and got ready to leave. It was then that I realized that darkness was starting to cover everything. How long had I been sitting here? It didn't seem enough.

I picked up my things and I mimicked her in starting to get ready to leave. I saw her walk away and prayed to God that tomorrow she'd be there once again and that I'd be able to see her again. This was becoming too much of an addiction now, but I couldn't help it anymore, I just gave in into this.

Next afternoon, she was sitting under that tree once again.

O~o~O~FM~O~o~O

It had been two weeks since the day I decided to come back to the park in search of that mysterious girl, or 'Book Girl' as I now liked to call her.

Not only had I been drawing and painting her, but she'd inspired new work. I felt more alive than I had in a long time. It was hard for me to leave my studio now. Esme visited some times and had seen the evolution of it, although the 'Book Girl' pieces I reserved for the nights when I was all alone and I got no distractions. It was something that was only for me. Mom seemed so proud of me and, even though I hate the attention, I was glad she was happy, especially since she'd been so tired lately from her treatment.

I had dinner with my parents almost every night now and tonight was one of those nights. Everything seemed so normal when we were like this. No illness, no worries and no hauntings. I loved watching my parents interact. I had to admit I thought it was kind of gross when I was growing up, watching them hold hands, steal little kisses here and there but then again what kid wanted to see that in their parents? Now, I could see that for the first time, maybe I would want that too; touches between two lovers, the shared secrets privy only to them, the need to be touching each other at every moment, even if it was just for a second.

It also made me see that I'd probably never find that. I wouldn't put anyone through the demons that haunted me, making her see what rested beneath the surface. She would run, just like the others before her did. Yes, I was better than I was two years ago, but would that side of me resurface once again? I was always trying hard not to let that happen, but what if that was not enough? I couldn't do that to someone that claimed to love me.

My thoughts were interrupted by my parents' talk.

"Yes, he arrives tomorrow morning from his trip to San Francisco. So we'll have dinner with him and Bella on Saturday night," Mom said.

"Who are you talking about?" I asked them, already dreading the answer.

"Well, Emmett of course. Haven't you listened to anything we've been talking about? He's been in San Francisco for the last month handling some business mergers or something like that, can't remember. Anyway, he's back tonight and will be joining us for dinner tomorrow. He'll be bringing Bella with him as well." At my confused looked, she added, "I'm sure I've told you about Bella, right? Bella is your brother's fiancée. They've been engaged for the past two months now. You'll love her, Edward. I'm sure." She looked at me with a little sadness in her eyes.

I realized it was because it was awful that I didn't know any of this. Emmett was engaged? My own brother was going to get married and up until now I didn't even know her name. I kept screwing things up time and again. I supposed Saturday was D-day now. The day when I would see Emmett once again after two years, after that last fight.

"I'm sure that I will, Mom. But how come I haven't seen her visiting you here?" I asked, getting a little angry that this girl didn't even have the decency to visit her future mother-in-law while she was this sick. I bet she was one of those vain supermodel types Emmett was so fond of in the past and didn't care about anyone else but herself.  
"Oh, well, she's an editor and has been traveling for the last couple of weeks. She got back about a week ago, and we've met for lunch a couple of times. She's been here actually, but since you moved to your studio last week, you've missed her," she explained.

Well, at least she wasn't as awful as I thought. But still, I already knew what I was in for.

O~o~O~FM~O~o~O

On Saturday, after my work at the park, I was getting ready for this dinner from hell. I decided on a dark pair of jeans, the only clean ones I had at the moment, and a black shirt with the sleeves rolled up to my elbows. This was as far as I'd go in terms of getting ready and it was only because I was meeting this new girl and didn't want Mom to get upset.

When I arrived to my parent's place, everything was just perfect for dinner. You could tell Mom put in an effort into this. Emmett and this Bella girl haven't arrived yet so I got to talking to my dad for a while and Mom joined us after that.

Then the bell rang, and Mom got all excited about it. I was really nervous now, not because of my meeting with Emmett, but because I didn't know how we were going to react in front of our parents. Would I be able to rein my anger? Was there a reason to be angry anymore? All questions that I needed to ask Emmett first, and that I should've. I was cursing myself for agreeing to come here tonight without speaking to him first.

A voice interrupted my thoughts. It was feminine, soft and warm all at the same time. I saw my dad was smiling to someone behind me. He had a new light in his eyes.

"Bella, how lovely to see you tonight. You look beautiful as always, dear," my mom greeted her.

"Thank you Esme, you too as always. I see your wearing the earrings we saw yesterday. They look beautiful," the woman said.

As they talked and laughed about things I neither knew nor cared about, I turned to meet Emmett's fiancée. When I saw her standing there, it felt like I was punched in the stomach. Standing there in a red dress, looking even more beautiful, was my 'Book Girl' and standing next to her was Emmett with an arm wrapped around her waist.

Realization hit me even stronger at that moment: 'Book Girl' was here and she was my brother's fiancée.

_Fuck._

She then looked my way and her face froze when her eyes met mine. Did she know who I was? _Of course you idiot, you've been gawking at her for the past two weeks! She would have been blind not to see you there._ But she never made any sign that she knew I was there apart from the only time our eyes met.

"Oh dear, where are my manners?" my mom's voice interrupted my discovery. "Bella, honey, this is my other son, Edward. As you know, he's been in Europe for the past two years working as an artist." At that, Emmett snickered. _So much for an easy night._

"Edward, this is Bella, Emmet's fiancée."

I walked toward her and extended my hand in greeting.

"Hello, Bella." _Beautiful._ "Pleased to meet you."

She was still looking at my eyes with a face of … recognition?... and extended her hand for me to shake.

"It's you," she whispered as I got closer to touch her hand. I stared at her for a moment before taking her hand and bringing it to my lips to kiss. Her skin was so soft, even softer that I imagined it would be after weeks of watching her. She _had_ seen me.

"It's me," I whispered so low that only she could hear me. At that, I was rewarded with that beautiful blush I saw that first time. It was even more entrancing up close.

My father cleared his throat and broke our moment. She seemed to wake up from whatever trance she was under and gave my dad a smile and a greeting.

At that moment, I noticed Emmett standing there looking not very pleased. I went to him and only nodded in greeting.

Mom looked nervous and a little disappointed at this, but at least we were able to be in the same room without killing each other. And that was something if you asked me. She told us dinner was served and that we should head to the dinning room. Boy, she had timing.

Our parents sat at each end of the table while Emmett and Bella sat next to each other to dad's right and I sat to his left, right across from Bella.

"So Edward, how's that _artist_ business of yours? Have you made any money in the last past two years or are you _still_ using the trust fund?" he sneered the words like it was a bad taste in his mouth.

And we were back to two years ago. The last time I saw Emmett was the day before I took off to Italy. We had a huge fight, that I remember only little pieces of, about the kind of life I was living back then and he made it very clear that if I was going down the road of 'hobo artist' then I shouldn't do it with the family money, or more accurately, _his_ money, since he was the one managing it. He didn't want to be the one financing my 'lifestyle'. After I pointed out that he was an ass and that it was not just his money, I told him that he could go fuck himself and that I didn't need anything from him. That I would survive with the money I made. My dad had to intervene, and he pointed out that I had a trust fund that was separated from the rest of the money that Emmett was handling, so he would indeed _not_ be working for me. That pissed him off even more. Not only was he beyond angry at me for this, but somehow dad took a swing at his rage. From what I understood, he barely tolerated dad now and he was only home to see mom.

Like I said, an ass.

"Well, Emmett, glad that you asked. Because I'll have you know that not a cent of that money has been touched, apart from the plane ticket I bought to get to Italy." His face fell. God I loved this. "When I first got there, I lived in a little apartment above the studio where Irina, my professor, had set me up with. I gave some classes there and that's how I _earned_ my living before actually being able to sell my work.

After a few months of this, I sold my first painting. Then, word got around and I started to sell _more_ of them. In time and during these past two years that's the only way I've been surviving." I looked at Emmett in the eyes to make my point. "With _my_ money alone."

He gave me a murderous look as I said this. Not only had I proven him wrong, but I did that in front of my parents and Bella. I'd say this dinner was getting better and better by the second.

Mom broke the silence and the stare contest.

"Oh Edward, I'm so proud of you for that and I've seen some of your work. I'm glad that other people saw what a great job you do. Imagine that, having your pieces hanging up on the houses of Italian families, and God knows where else!" She was beaming. And I was an ass for doing this shit in front of her. Damn Emmett, he always knew how to push my buttons.

"So, Bella, tell Edward what you do and how you and Emmett met," Mom suggested.

I focused all of my attention on her. I wanted to know all about her and was really interested in knowing how Emmett found such a woman.

She looked surprised and blushed again. Beautiful indeed. I wondered if perhaps she didn't like the attention.

"Well, Edward, I'm an editor at Volturi Publishing House. I concentrate in finding new talent and helping them get better at what they do. I meet with them at my office downtown or sometimes, I fly to the cities where they live to work more face to face since they come from all over the country. This gives me the opportunity to work with few people on a more personal level and get to know not only their work, but them, the writers, and what motivates them to tell their story. That makes my job that much easier and, in turn, better." Her face lit up while she talked about her work and her words held so much passion, you could tell she cared about her clients. They were not just a number to her. They were people with stories to tell, and she wanted them to succeed in that. Amazing.

"And how did you meet Emmett?" I asked, because after listening to her I was very much interested in knowing how the hell this came to happen.

"Well, I was attending a Christmas work party at Emmett's investment firm, which is something I never do really, but my friend, Alice, works there and she invited me. She left me alone for a while to go dance with her husband, and that's when Emmett approached me and asked me to dance. I told him I was really bad, but he didn't believe me. Well, I proved him wrong since I stepped on his toes more times that I could count," she laughed while remembering the story and looked at Emmett with adoration. I loved that laugh and, for some reason, I wanted her to look at _me_ that way.

"We only danced to that one song and then started talking," she continued. "By the end of the night, we realized we had a lot in common and we were laughing at all his drunken coworkers. He asked me out that night and I said yes. The rest, as they say, is history," she finished, but strangely enough, the look in her eyes was not the one she gave Emmett a moment ago. This one was sad, almost longing.

The rest of the dinner went as good as you could expect, under the circumstances. I kept looking at Bella when she talked or to see her reactions to some story one of us would tell. I also started noticing more details about her features, like little freckles on her cheeks or how the color of her hair had more shades of brown than I originally saw. The more she talked, the more passion you could see she had for her work and even for life.

Halfway through dinner, Emmett got a call about work and had to leave early. He offered to take Bella home, but Mom insisted on her staying there since it was too late and she lived at the opposite direction of Emmett's office. Mom asked if Bella would like to sleep in Emmett's old room and then leave in the morning.

Once dinner was over, we moved to the living room and I started talking more and more with Bella. She seemed more relaxed now that Emmett was gone and I wondered why that was. The more we talked, the more I found we had things in common. She was funny, witty and truly cared for other people. My whole perception about Emmett dating some of the girls that he used to date flew out the window the moment I started talking to Bella. It made me wonder even more why _she _was with him. Was it the money? She didn't seem that type. This only made me want to know everything about her.

Once my parents went to sleep, Bella and I stayed there talking some more. When I realized we were alone, I asked her the question that had been bothering me since I saw her today, well, at least _one_ of the questions.

"So, Bella, what did you mean when you said 'It's you' when you saw me today?" I asked, looking at her in the eyes.

"Oh...yes," she blushed, and looked surprised by my question. "Well, I've seen you at the park every day for the past couple of weeks. You always carry a sketchbook with you and seemed so focused in your work. I knew you were drawing and painting, but being Emmett's brother? Wow, that was just ... too much," she laughed awkwardly.

"Yes, I've always liked that park and that particular spot. It has some great light and it's far enough from the noise of the people so I can really concentrate, but at the same time close enough for me to observe them without being seen, so that I can truly-"

"_See_ them," Bella finished for me. I just stared at her and keep wondering if she'd ever stop surprising me.

"I feel the same way. That's why I go to that spot as well, quiet enough to read but close enough to watch people pass by. I like to imagine their stories. Where do they go? Is there someone waiting for them at home? Why are they alone?"

We stared at each other for a while, just thinking about what the other said. She was so different from what Emmett preferred but I could see the appeal. She was a good and beautiful woman that one day would make a great wife and mother. Is that why Emmett was with her? Because she looked perfect in his little world?

"So you only knew Emmett had a bohemian brother, huh? How come you didn't recognize me when you saw me at the park?"

"Well ... " she hesitated. "The thing is, Emmett doesn't get along with Carlisle very well so he doesn't like to come here very much, but he adores Esme and _tries_ to come to dinner just for her. But other than that, he has no ties with his family. There are almost no photos of his childhood at his apartment, just a few of his parents and him. I knew you two had a fight before you left, but Emmett doesn't talk about it. So I guess that's why there are no pictures of you in his place." She paused before continuing. "I've been here several times before, but Esme and I mostly have lunch at a restaurant downtown, hardly ever here." She really liked and cared about Esme and Carlisle, even more that their own son did.

I was pissed, not at Bella, but at Emmett. I thought I was the one hurting my mother with my living at another continent, but Emmett was just minutes away and all he could think about was money and his fucking pride? Why? Because Dad stood up to him two years ago? Was he that much of a child?

"I see, well, that's Emmett for you there I guess. Good luck with that." I looked at her and saw that she had a sad expression. I didn't mean to be such an ass to her about this, but this whole fucked up thing was getting on my nerves. "Sorry, I didn't mean it. I guess bad habits die hard and all that." I tried to make light of it.

"Well, he's good to me, and we care about each other very much. We're getting married soon and between you coming back and Esme's condition, hopefully that would make him reconsider some of his views." I noticed her eyes got a little watery at the mention of Esme. She was too good for him, that's for sure.

"Yeah, we'll see." I didn't want to tell her that there was little chance of that happening, but she looked like she wanted to believe those words. She _needed_ to believe them.

"I guess I'm going to bed now. It's getting pretty late and I have brunch with some friends tomorrow," she said while heading toward Emmett's room.

I followed her since my room was next to that one. We both stood by our doors while looking at each other. I could look at her all night.

"Goodnight, Bella."

"Goodnight, Edward. It was nice meeting you," she whispered while she entered the bedroom.

That night, I thought back to everything that had happened during dinner. If I wanted to get things right with Emmett, there was going to be some hard work ahead of us and that was _if _he wanted to fix things, which didn't look like it at all.

Then my thoughts went to Bella and the beautiful woman that she was, both inside and outside. The last thoughts I remembered before drifting to sleep were of warm browns and reds and how I needed to make some changes to my paintings, since once again, I got the colors wrong.

O~o~O~FM~O~o~O

Next morning, I woke up feeling more energized than ever. Now I knew who my muse was and how to find her, but as much elation as that gave me, it all came crashing down the second I remembered how we came to find each other.

She was marrying my brother.

There was no question about it. She was much too good for Emmett, but at the same time, she was completely out of reach. Did that matter? Did I want something more with her? That was ridiculous, I just met the girl. Up until last night, I didn't even know her name for crying out loud. On the other hand, I'd been watching her for the best part of the last two weeks. I felt like even though I just met her, I _knew_ her, in a way that even Emmett hadn't seen.

And I was so fucked. I should not be thinking about my brother's fiancée like this.

I got up excited that I might see her this morning. However when I got to the kitchen, I found only mom there having breakfast. When I asked her where Bella was and if she was joining us, she said she left early in the morning since she has a brunch date with some friends.

"So what do you think of Bella, Edward?" my mom asked me once we were sitting.

"She's … different from who I'd picture Emmett with. I guess she sees something in him that I sure as hell don't."

She was looking right at me when I said this and kept her eyes on me for a few moments, as if contemplating saying something. What? I had no idea.

"Yes. It was a surprise when your brother brought her here the first time. But I'd seen the way he was with her and that's a side I've never seen in him." Her voice sounded a little sad.

I didn't miss the part with the 'was with her', but held my tongue. Was he not good to her now? I didn't want to interrogate her and make her upset.

As I headed home, I thought about everything that had happened since last night. What are the odds that my muse was my brother's fiancée? What did I do now? Should I go to the park today? Would she go? If we did, should we acknowledge each other or pretend we were the strangers that we'd been for the past two weeks?

Fuck, this was giving me a headache.

There was only one way to find out. I was going back.

O~o~O~FM~O~o~O

I slowly approached my spot. Every step felt so heavy, my hands were sweating and I was gripping my sketch book so hard that my knuckles were white. Did I want to see her there?

That question was answered the second I saw her reading under her tree. She was there, reading as if she didn't have a care in the world. At that, I started feeling kind of angry at her. Why did she get to be that calm? Why was she not freaking out like I was? I felt like a fool for feeling guilty over this. Of course she didn't feel anything for me other than the fact that I was her stalker-soon-to-be-brother-in-law. Yeah, great title. I wanted to turn around and leave this place before she saw me standing there, but then I noticed her a little better. She was gripping her book a little tight as well and her posture was tense sitting there, unlike the other times I'd seen her there so relaxed and almost at home.

No, she was just as nervous as I was. She just was a little better at covering it, but not from me. I'd been watching her too much in the last two weeks to know her tells.

She was as lost as I was about this.

What sealed the moment was when she looked up and saw me standing there. Her eyes said everything.

She wanted this as well.

We stared at each other for a while, and I could not only see, but feel her want, her need. She _wanted_ me here, painting her every afternoon. Even though we never spoke a single word when we were here, the peace we gave each other was palpable now. How did I miss this? I was not the one getting the best part of the deal; she was as well. In what form? I didn't know yet, but this was not the moment to talk about this. It was time to give each other what we came here for.

I moved to sit under my tree without breaking our stare. I saw relief in her eyes upon seeing me doing this. Her body relaxed and she broke my stare to go back to reading her book. I took it as my cue and got my pencils ready to start a new draft. We remained that way for a few hours. Bella reading her book, not acknowledging me as I drafted and painted her. Once the light died down, I gathered my things and Bella took her book and blanket under her arm. She looked at me for a moment, nodded and turned to leave. And this is how we sealed our arrangement.

And started a routine for the rest of the week.

* * *

**Thank you for reading :-)**


	2. Two Paths

**02/21: FM, the O/S, has been re-edited and now split into two chapters. Thank you so much to Songster for her help in the re-edition.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all its characters, I just have a little fun with them.**

**So here you have the second part of the original O/S :-)**

O~o~O~FM~O~o~O

"Edward, are you listening to me?" my mother asked while I served my drink.

"Hm? Sorry, what did you just say?"

"I asked if it was ok that I go to your studio on Monday morning. I have to be at the hospital on Tuesday and I won't be able to take the new furniture I got for your place after that and God knows you won't do it," she said in a voice that told me she was tired of repeating herself.

"Oh, sure, Mom. But furniture? Mom, it's a studio, not a penthouse. A bed, a table and plenty of space for my work is all I need," I chuckled, because it was just like mom to try to decorate and improve everything in sight.

"I know that dear, but that doesn't mean you can't live in a nice place, right? Besides, it's only a couch like we discussed last time. It won't take any of the space for your paintings."

"I know, I know. I can't ever deny you anything, you know that, right?"

She was doing much better since I arrived in New York. She was going through her last round of chemo and would be finishing this week. After that, we'd see how she coped and what the doctors would say. We were all waiting for that day and even though our nerves had us a little edgy sometimes, Mom always had the brightest smile you'd ever see. She was happy, not just about the ending of her chemo treatment, but she was happy about having her family together again. I realized once again what an idiot I had been in the past years and how happy she would've been if I had just come home every now and then to see her.

Bella had gone with her to some of her sessions in previous weeks, and it was painful to see that she was the only real link mom had that connected her to Emmett. He barely visited and almost never called. It seemed he considered that, since Bella saw Mom every now and then, it was enough to get him off the hook and a good way to get information through her. But we all knew better though: It hurt Mom. That was why tonight we were having dinner once again, all five of us.

"I know, baby, I know." She patted my hand and went to sit by Dad.

I was also nervous about what would be happening today, regarding Bella. This was the first time we'd be actually talking since last week, even though we'd been seeing each other every day now.

I heard voices just as Emmett and Bella walked into the living room. She looked gorgeous as always, wearing that red dress again. When she saw me appraising her, she turned and blushed that beautiful pink I'd seen a few times. How could she blush now if she spent hours under my stare each day? She surprised me every time.

Dinner was interesting, to say the least. We had a great time talking about food, art and books; that was Bella and I. My parents joined the conversation here and there with their insights, Mom especially about art. I had forgotten how fun it was to talk to her about it, how much insight she had. It reminded me of all the nights we stayed up talking and discussing a painting or a sculpture. If I always had it in me to be a painter, then it was her who nurtured that interest.

Emmett joined the conversation only when Bella or Mom talked directly at him, other than that, he was glued to his phone or looking really bored.

I wanted to punch him. Hard.

About halfway through, he got a call from work and had to leave early. Yeah, we were all really surprised. After that, the evening was quite pleasant as we moved things to the living room.

Watching my parents interact with Bella made me feel some strange knot in my stomach. She fit so well with my family, and it was easy to forget that she was with Emmett.

Mom and Dad went to bed after dinner and the evening ended just like last week, with only the two of us talking and laughing about everything and nothing. She told me about her family and how her mother left her and her dad, Charlie, when she was three and never came back.

"I spent years wishing that she would come back and explain why she did it. She used to send a birthday card every year, the stamps from all over the country. Years later, I understood that it was not Charlie or I specifically that drove her away, it was the life she was going to have with us. It suffocated her. I believe that she loved me and my dad, but because she loved us, she left. She was never going to be happy in that small town and in time that would've made her unhappy with us, resenting us for it. I admire the strength she had to leave us behind even when she loved us, but I also hate that she was a coward at not giving _us_ a chance, giving _me_ a chance." She looked so sad about this and resigned about that fact, but at the same time hurt about it.

"So it was just Charlie and I. He's a great dad and was always there for me: getting me ready for school in the mornings and braiding my hair for picture day." She smiled at that memory.

"I'm not going to say it was easy, because it wasn't. He had to be a mom as well and let me tell you, it doesn't get any more awkward than having your dad attempting to explain 'women issues' to you.

"We fought a lot during my teenage years. I snuck out from time to time and he grounded me for it. But he never let go, he never gave up on me, as much as I pushed his buttons during that time. He did his best and that made me the woman that I am today. And for that, I'm grateful as hell, and don't miss the fact that my mother left and never came back. Charlie filled the mom shoes better than she would've done." The way she spoke of her dad was amazing. You could feel how much she loved him and how much he meant to her, not just with her words, but with her posture and the way she kept moving her hands and getting excited when talking about him. But it was her face that said everything. She loved and idolized him. She admired the man behind the dad role, the one that was willing to give up everything for her. He was probably the standard she set for all the men that wanted to gain her heart. Suddenly, I wanted to meet Charlie and thanked him for raising such an incredible woman.

"When I was eighteen, he married Sue, a friend for years. I was so happy for him. I was going to college by then and I hated that he was going to be alone. He had his job and his fishing trips on weekends but at the end of the day he was going home alone. It made me sad picturing it, especially since he devoted his life to me. It was _his_ time now and Sue is a great woman. I couldn't have asked for a better fit for him. They've been married for eight years now and are happier than ever." She was beaming now, looking even more gorgeous than before.

Suddenly, she got this really sad look. I didn't like it one bit.

"About two years ago, on one of my home visits, we got a call from a man named Phil. He said he was my mother's husband and that he was calling to let us know that she had died in a car accident in Austin, Texas. My dad and I went there for her funeral and met Phil. He was a pretty decent guy and I'm glad she was happy in the end, even if it wasn't with us. I never got to tell her all the things I wanted, but I had already let her go a long time before her death. Going there was not the closure I expected, because in the end there was no closure to have really."

She had tears falling down her cheeks and I couldn't help but to get closer to her on the couch and wrap my arms around her. I wasn't even thinking about it when I did that. She stiffened under my arms, but then relaxed. She felt so right against me.

"So sorry I'm like this. I meant what I said just now. It's just I've never talked to anyone about this. You make me feel very comfortable," she said, without looking at me. I could feel her tears through my shirt.

"What do you mean? What about your dad? Or Emmett? Doesn't he know the story of your family?" I was very much surprised by this. This couldn't be.

"Well, of course my dad does. We talked a lot about how I was feeling through the years and how I was coping with this. But as for Emmett, well..." She paused. She was holding my shirt with a firm grip, as if not wanting me to let her go while she said the rest. I wasn't planning on it anyway.

"He was never that much interested on that part of my family. He knows the basics, but I've never felt like I could tell him all of this. He always talked so highly of your parents' marriage and how that's what he wants for himself. He doesn't understand how a mother could leave her family like that," she sighed in resignation. "Sometimes I feel like he's measuring me to see if I fit that standard of a good wife and mother he has in mind and for him, the fact that I come from a family that is this fucked up is a shortcoming somehow. What will people think about him? We are what our parents make us to be."

I was fucking furious at that point. I held Bella even tighter now, letting her know with my actions that I wouldn't let her go. I wouldn't push her away because of this.

"You have got to be kidding me, right? Is that what he said to you? Because, Bella, that is bullshit. You can't be blamed for what your mother did. From what you told me, your dad was an amazing man that did everything for his family, playing the dad and the mom role you needed. What better man to join your family than that? Emmett- no- anyone should be fucking proud to be a part of your family, Bella. You should not feel ashamed of it. You are a wonderful woman and will be an amazing wife and mother someday. It should be _you_ measuring Emmett to see if he fits the role of a husband and a father to your children." She was now looking at me with a surprised look. Maybe I had said too much now and gone too far with her.

She started getting closer and closer, and I could feel her sweet breath washing over me. I stared at her lips and licked mine on instinct. My left arm was firmly wrapped around her back while I moved my right hand to touch her face, so _soft_, running it up her cheek, drying her tears, I then moved my thumb to touch her lips. I wondered how they'd taste.

I wanted to kiss her. God did I want to kiss her, but this was wrong. She was marrying my brother and would be my sister-in-law in a few months. She was off limits. If we kept it like this, we'd do something we'd both regret and she'd hate me for it. I couldn't have that.

I looked up to her eyes and saw that she _wanted_ to kiss me. She wanted this, whatever this was. But I also saw doubt and hesitance. Just like me, she was struggling with this, seeing that not only Emmett would be affected by it, but Esme as well. God, this would kill my mom. She adored Bella, and wanted her son to be happy and Bella made him happy, no matter how much of an ass he was. No, I would make it easier on her. I'd step back and leave her to marry the man she loved.

However, she made the decision about this before me. She was looking right into my eyes while I considered this, and for the first time, I saw determination shining on hers.

"Edward," she sighed, and before I even had the time to think, she pressed her lips to mine.

It took me a second to realize that this was actually happening, that this gorgeous goddess was kissing _me_. I started to move my lips against hers, and they felt so soft against mine. Once she realized that I was also kissing her, she parted her lips a bit and traced the tip of her tongue against my lips. Right then, I felt both of her hands on my hips bringing me close to her.

It felt amazing.

I still had my left hand pressed against her back and I started tightening my grip, bringing her closer to me. I wanted to feel her body close to mine. My right hand that had been touching her cheek was now holding the base of her neck. My fingers were running through her silky hair.

We angled our faces to deepen the kiss and moaned with the sensations it brought. Our tongues were softly caressing each other and the feel of the heat of our mouths was maddening. I righted my head and started nipping at her bottom lip, and she started to move her hands slowly up my body. First my sides, then my shoulders and finally she placed them on my hair, running her hands through it, similar to what I was doing to hers.

Every part of my body was aware of her closeness, every part wanted to be close to her. I could feel her everywhere and I couldn't get enough of it. I wanted to touch her, hold her, lick her, kiss her, taste her ... be consumed by her.

Suddenly a sound from the outside made us come back to reality one again. The bubble was burst.

Bella was startled by the sound and pulled away immediately. I didn't want to let go of her, but the reality of what we just did came crushing hard on us. I could see it all in her eyes.

She was terrified.

She jumped up from the couch and started pacing in front of it, pulling at her hair.

"God, Edward, I'm so sorry for that. I don't know what came over me. I was telling you about my life, things I've never talked with anyone else before and you were being so nice and all … and suddenly, I'm attacking you! God, what have I done?" She was close to yelling now as she kept pacing.

"Bella, hold on a mom-" I tried to say.

"I had no right to do that, Edward. You were just being nice listening to me and I got carried away. I'm so sorry. Oh God, what am I going to tell Emmett? And Esme? Oh God, I feel nauseous."

I stood up from the couch and went to her side, I wanted to hold her and feel her as she went through all of this, but I needed to stop myself and do something for _her_ instead. I grabbed her hands and made her look at me.

"Listen to me, Bella. Please stop blaming yourself for this. There were two people back there kissing. You didn't kiss an unwilling man here. I wanted to kiss you too. I've wanted to kiss you for a long time, but I've stopped myself from doing so not only because you are Emmett's fiancée, but because I saw that you were happy with him, that you were happy to become his wife. That you loved him.

But after what you told me tonight, Bella. Jesus, how can you keep all that inside? It's been eating you alive for so many years, and now you're with someone that should help you soothe that pain and loss. But instead you're with a guy that only wants you to bury that, bury a part of who you are and pretend that everything is right in the world." I had to make her understand that we were both at fault here.

"Bella, please, look at me." I pleaded. She looked me in the eyes. There were more tears falling down her beautiful face.

"You didn't force me into anything tonight. I wanted to kiss you, and I'm glad that you took the first step. Please don't blame yourself for this. I want this. I want you. I don't know what that really means right now, since you are still with Emmett, but you have to know this."

"Edward, I ... have to go. This is too much and I have to get out of here. I need to think." She pulled away and immediately, I felt her loss. I wanted to beg her to stay so we could talk about this, but she was confused and torn. Staying would only make things worse.  
She gathered her things and walked to the door. Once she reached it, she stopped, her hand gripping the doorknob for dear life at this point. After a few moments, she sighed heavily, opened the door and left.

I stared at the spot she had just left for a few moments, trying to come to grips with what the hell had just happened here. Bella and I kissed. Bella kissed me, actually. I told her that I wanted her but she didn't say anything back, only that she had a lot to think about. Where did that leave me?

Good question.

The next day I was even more on edge. When would I see her again? And when I do, what should I say? I already said I wanted her. If she didn't want me in the same way, then I'd have to let her go. I couldn't be like my asshole of a brother and keep her with me because she looked perfect by my side. For me, it was about _her_.

But she didn't show up that day at the park.

On Monday morning, there was a knock on my door just as I was finishing a painting. When I opened it, I saw my mom standing there with a smile on her face. On one side, there were two guys holding a couch, and on the other, there was Bella. She looked very nervous biting her lip and uncomfortable as hell.

"Mom, I didn't remember that you were bringing the couch today." I said, after I kissed her cheek.

"Yes well, by the look on your face, I'll say that's true. I swear Edward, there is a world outside, you know," she said, while letting the guys and the couch in. Last, was Bella.

"Yeah, I know, I know, I know," I laughed, because she said that every time she came here.

"Hi, Edward. I hope you don't mind me coming here with Esme. I'm having lunch with her afterwards so it was easier for me to come," she was looking at me with a face that said that she really was here because of mom and not because she wanted to.

"No problem. Mi casa es su casa," I smiled. I had to at least try to be nice, even if she didn't want to be here. "Look around if you want. I'll go find mom and stop her from rearranging my room. Again." She smiled at this and, for a moment, she didn't look uncomfortable to be here.

After convincing my mom that I didn't need a new bedroom set, I left her with the guys she had with her to find 'just the perfect spot' to put the couch on. I only rolled my eyes, because, really, what could I say to that? A couch was a couch, which was what the guys thought so as well, if the death glares they were sending her way were any indication, considering they were the ones carrying the damn thing around while she decided.

I went to find Bella and found her looking at something near the back of the studio. Once I reached her there, I realized that she was holding my sketchbook, the one I'd been taking with me to the park for the past month. I'd never showed it to her or anyone for that matter, which was the reason some of my pieces were in storage here in the back. I didn't want Mom to find them. She couldn't.

When she heard me come in, she turned and her face was full of surprise. At being caught or at seeing what was in the book? I didn't know yet.

"Edward ... this is beautiful ... I didn't know." There was such wonder in her voice, it made me feel a little proud that she found what I did beautiful.

"You inspired my work Bella, all of it." I said, gesturing around the room. "It's not only what I have in that sketchbook, but you inspired everything I paint and draw now. I've never felt so alive before. You make me _feel_, Bella. Things I never thought possible and now I can't turn that off. You are my muse."

She was close to tears at my revelation, but I needed to say it.

"Oh, there you are! Ok, Edward, the couch is perfect and ready for you to use. Do not move it, ok? I'll see you next week. Are you ready, Bella?" my mom interrupted. Bella was quick to hide the book and set it aside while I tried to steer my mom away from this part of the studio and preventing her from seeing these particular paintings.

"Yeah, Esme. I'm ready. Let's go," she said while looking at me.

"I'll see you, Edward." There was something in the way she said it, like she was telling me that we were going to see each other soon.

The park.

When I got to my spot that afternoon, I was surprised when I didn't find her under her usual tree, but actually standing under mine.

"Hi. Hope you don't mind me taking up your spot here?" she asked teasing, but it felt too forced right now. There was too much tension in the air.

"No problem."

"Edward, I don't know what to say here. What we did the other day was wrong and should never happen again, at least that's what I've been telling myself for the past couple of days. That is the rational thing to do. I'm marrying your brother, Edward, your brother, and me going around kissing you is not the way to show that I care for my husband-to-be." She started talking right away, trying to get everything out in the open before even giving me time to answer her back.

"On the other hand, there's this part of me that doesn't feel bad for what happened. At all. In fact, it wants more of it, consequences be damned. Because that's what I came up with these past days, Edward. I want it, I want you. I've never felt this way about anyone before and it's scary as hell, but I also feel so alive. You understand me, you _see me _better than anyone I have ever met and it's only been a couple of weeks, for Christ's sake!" She was pacing in front of me now.

I didn't know how to feel about her admission. I was happy that she reciprocated my feelings, but seeing her like this was breaking my heart. She was crumbling right in front of me. Feelings of guilt and regret would be too much to bear, and I could see them already taking the light out of her.

"Bella, please. Stop pacing and listen to me."

She was startled when I talked, like she just realized that I was standing there. She then turned to look at me and before I got the chance to say anything more, she spoke again.

"And the sketches, Edward, oh my God, the sketches. If I ever thought for a second that what happened in your parents couch was a one time thing for you, it all went to hell when I saw those sketches. Is that how you see me?" She looked at me with amazement in her eyes.

"I noticed you at the park from the beginning, you know." She whispered. "I saw you sitting here every day, observing the world around you, so entranced with it, and I couldn't look away. Most of the time I came here because I knew I would find _you_, I knew I should've stopped coming but I couldn't and it was even more clear to me when I saw your eyes that day. It was like you could really see me somehow, even though we didn't even know each other's names. And after seeing those sketches, I saw that I was right. And it scared me even more."

I couldn't believe what she was saying. I knew that she had seen me there. She would have been blind not to, but I figured she didn't care about it, that she just saw me as some random artist guy that went to the park to draw. I didn't know she wanted me to be there.

"I'm leaving, Edward."

I stood there looking at her with disbelief. I didn't even remember what I was going to say. She had just hit me in the stomach with that.

"What?"

"I'm leaving. I need time to think and try to sort this out. At this point, I don't know left from right and it's overwhelming to feel all of this. I need space. From this, this park, Emmett, you ..."

All I did was stare at her. She wanted to get away from me. Being with me was hurting her and that was something I couldn't live myself with. I didn't want to hurt her.

"I'm going on a business trip for two weeks. I need to meet up with a couple of authors, so I'll be busy traveling to different cities. It will give me the time to distract myself a little bit about this and enough distance to see things under a better light. I need this, Edward. If I'm going to make any kind of decision, I need to get away from everything," she was pleading.

I could see all of that in her face. She was torn and needed this time apart and as much as it killed me to let her go like this, _I_ needed time as well. I needed to make sense of this. Emmett was my brother and he didn't deserve what I did, nobody did.

"Ok, I understand. Will you see me when you get back into town?"

"Yes. Hopefully I'll have an answer by the time I get back. But whatever it is that I do, I will give you an answer, Edward. As much as I can't do this to Emmett, I can't do this to you either."

We stared at each other for a moment and then she said goodbye. It felt so final somehow, like she was saying goodbye for good to this and I would never see her again.

I just watched her go and said nothing more.

O~o~O~FM~O~o~O

Two weeks. Two fucking weeks with no contact at all.

It had been driving me insane not knowing how she was and what was she thinking. I knew we needed time apart, but those two weeks had been hell on earth.

I hadn't been able to come back to the park after the day she walked away. I couldn't stand sitting there and knowing I wouldn't find her there under her tree. There was nothing there I wanted to draw and put into paper anymore. The place where I used to go to escape the world was now a place that only served to remind me of what I couldn't have.

That was why I had only been spending time in my studio, painting and sketching new work and redoing some of my older ones; the ones of Bella more specifically. I got the light wrong, the curve of her neck was not right, the light in her eyes was not there. It was a futile work actually, since nothing would compare to the real thing. Not a single change I made would make them as perfect as I wanted them.

When the torture of getting her drawings better than what I wanted them to be was too much, I started a new painting. They went along with my mood swings, anger, confusion, care, hope … resignation. I spent hours putting all of this into a canvas, a way to exorcise them, but as soon as I finished one, another emotion took its place and it was unbearable to stand it, so I started a new painting. It was a never ending cycle.

I didn't even notice how long it had been since I left my place until two Mondays after Bella left, my mom showed up at my door.

Her test results came back last week and to the delight of everyone, the tumor had stopped growing. She was looking better and better by the day, getting stronger and stronger.

"Edward. Good, you're alive. For a moment there, I thought I was down a son and that I'd find you here buried under hundreds of canvases, covered in red paint, you know, to add effect," she said, while entering my place. She was furious as she made her way to the couch.

"Hi, mom. I'm sorry I haven't been over but as you can see, I've been busy here and since inspiration is not something that comes whenever I want it to come, I have to make the best of it."

She was looking at me with such intensity, I needed to look the other way. She looked like she knew something or she was trying to read me, something that she had always been able to do to both Emmett and I. It was hard to keep secrets from her when she did this.

"Yes, I see that," she said, while looking around the room at all the paintings and mess that was my studio.

"Edward, is there something else going on here? Because I know that you tend to get all wrapped up in your work, I remember from before, but this? This is more, even for you. Does this have anything to do with Bella?"

I turned my head to look at her and saw that she already knew the answer to that question. There was no point in denying it. She could read me like a book.

"Mom..." I stopped talking, because what could I say to her? _I_ didn't even know how to put this into words, since I hadn't talked to Bella to try to find out if there even was a 'this'.

I went and sat next to Mom. She started running her hand through my hair like she used to when I was a kid. I closed my eyes and let her touch soothe me.

"Edward, please look at me." I turned and I was afraid of what I would find in her eyes. Disappointment? Anger? I didn't think I could handle that right now. However that was not what I saw. She was looking at me with _hope_ in her eyes.

"Edward, son. I've watched how for years you've closed yourself to the world. I always thought you were different from the rest. You were very happy to live in that little world of yours and the first time you took a brush and saw the colors and shapes you could create, I saw that as a window for us to see into that little world. I love you, dear, but that makes for a very lonely soul. You never looked outside of it and by doing so, you missed out on a lot of things.

When you left for Italy I was sad and very worried, of course, but also I was relieved that you were going out into the world to see, taste and experience all that there is to offer. However, from your calls and letters all I got was that you were doing it again. You were closing off to the world around you, just now in a different country."

She was right of course. I had done that for many years and continue to do so apparently. I always felt more at ease and safe, I guess, when I was painting or drawing. I liked being the observer, the one on the outside looking in. But that was a lonely life in the end and up until I found Bella, I hadn't noticed.

"But when you started being around Bella, I saw everything change. You were much more talkative and seemed all around happier. I thought that I was going to have to work for you to be around us again. But that was not the case, especially when you were around her. And don't worry, nobody noticed. God knows Emmett lives in his world of numbers." She shook her head and a sad look crossed her face.

"I see the two of you together, how you are and act around us and with each other; you are always in sync with what the other one needs. It's actually a very beautiful thing to watch. But at the end of the day, she is going to marry your brother and even if you don't like it, she said yes and made a commitment to him. And if I know Bella like I think I do, she'll honor that commitment to the end.

I love Bella like a daughter. She's been there all through my treatment, going with me when Carlisle couldn't, and taking me to lunch when she saw that I was feeling depressed. She's a remarkable woman and any man would be lucky to have her by his side. And right now that man is Emmett."

She was telling me to back off and let them be, but how could I do that? I knew that she was off limits, but my heart didn't care for that. Everything Mom said was right on the spot. Bella was the one that made me feel alive after all these years. I looked for happiness, for something to feel anywhere I could: drugs, alcohol, women, but it was Bella the one that did what all those other things couldn't. She made me feel alive.

"I know Mom, and it kills me to see how he treats her. She's amazing and to see that Emmett only wants a pretty thing on his arm to show off makes me so angry. She deserves better, much better, maybe even better than me," I sighed, defeated. Was this it? Did Bella come to the same conclusion?

Mom stood up and placed a hand to my cheek.

"Oh my sweet boy. Such a gentle soul and the only other soul able to appreciate it and take care of it is with someone else. I'm so sorry Edward. But there is nothing to do here," she sighed and kissed my cheek.

After my mom left, I didn't get up from the couch for hours. I didn't even feel like painting that day. The knowledge that Mom knew what was going on was a big surprise, but somehow I felt relieved that she did, like the burden was not so heavy now.

She was right of course, she always had been. I knew Bella wasn't mine to have. Emmett found her first, and she felt at least something if she was going to marry him. She _did_ say yes. But she was not happy with him, I could see no passion between them at all. This engagement was already sucking the life out of her as it is.

Bella needed time to think about things, to see where she stood in this. I understood that, but it was also a time for me to think about things, to consider what _I_ wanted as well. And after these weeks from hell and the talk with my mother, I came to the realization that I wanted _her_ by my side as my equal, my partner, and not as a pretty thing to show off around the city. I wanted all of her.

I knew my mom would be disappointed in me, hell, everyone would be disappointed in me if I pursued Bella, but mom said it herself; Bella brought life back to my existence, and for the first time, I considered the notion that I could make someone else happy as well. I wanted to make Bella happy if she'd let me. If she chose me.

I only hoped she was willing to sacrifice everything to be with me as I was willing to do for her.

O~o~O~FM~O~o~O

After my earlier realization, I found a new drive to work on some paintings. While I was working on a piece later that night, there was another knock at my door. I expected to find my mom once again standing there, probably trying to drag me to have dinner with her and dad.

"Yes, mom. I'm eati-" I stopped right in the middle of whatever I was saying because at the sight of Bella there, standing by my door, all words escaped me. Literally.

She was here.

"Edward, may I come in?"

I let her in and the only thing that I was capable of doing was stare at her while she entered my studio. She looked … well, awful. She looked like she hadn't been sleeping at all. So tired, with purple shadows under her eyes, her skin was paler than the last time I saw her. Her hair was up in a ponytail and she was wearing jeans and a t-shirt. She looked nothing like the woman I had been seeing for the past weeks.

We stood there, staring at each other for a few moments as if we were seeing each other for the first time and, in a way, we were. This was the first time we were seeing each other after making a decision about this, about _us_, and even though I didn't know hers yet, she was a different woman in my eyes. A woman I wanted to be with no matter what.

"So how was your trip?" It was the only thing I could think to say without jumping to ask her if she was here to say goodbye or not.

"Yeah, it was a nice. I got to work with these great new writers. Really productive trip."

The silence once again became too much. Neither of us wanted to talk, even though we knew we had to, but starting the conversation could lead to the end of this before it even began.

"Edward, I -" she sighed and sat down on the couch. I stayed rooted to my spot close to the door, like it gave me some sort of security that I could run at any moment, but at the same time, I couldn't go. I needed to stay and listen to what she had to say.

"I thought about what's been happening between us and, like I said before I left, this is wrong on so many levels, but it fells _right_, you know what I mean? I feel like my place is right beside you and not in front of you at the dining room table, watching you from afar.

These past two weeks had been hell on earth for me, working during the day and going alone to my hotel at night. I didn't even feel like calling Emmett to let him know how I was doing. How sick is that? I should be counting the hours to get the chance to talk to him, to hear _his_ voice over the phone. Yet, all I wanted to do was to call _you_, to talk to you and tell you about my day and the amazing work these writers are doing and the places I saw."

I hadn't realized I was standing next to her now until my hand was brushing against her cheek and wiping the tears that were falling down. She closed her eyes and leaned into my touch.

"Falling asleep, listening to your voice, telling me how your work is doing and all the little things you notice about the people around you. That's what I wanted to hear every single night of those weeks apart, Edward. And that only made feel even guiltier for feeling this way." She opened her eyes and looked straight into mine.

"We can't do this, Edward. I can't do this to Emmett or Esme or even to you. It's not fair to you to be with a woman that is as broken as I am, who doesn't know what the hell she wants in some aspects of her life."

I sat down next to her and held her face in my hands. I had to say this, had to say it now. Her words cut me deeply, and she was pulling away.

"Bella. Please listen to me. I've been feeling the exact same way these past weeks too. Wondering what you were thinking, what you were doing, and it's been driving me crazy. I've been spending so much time here in my studio trying to make some sense out of this, my mom had to come and check if I was alive or not."

She smiled at this.

"I've been thinking about this too and yes, there are other people to consider that will be hurt by this, but Bella, for me you are worth all of that, _we_ are worth all of that. You deserve to be happy, and I want to be the man that makes that happen. I want you, Bella. Only you."

"The only thing that I'm certain about, Edward, is that I want you too. But can't you see that this is too much for us to-"

And I kissed her. She said she wanted me as well and that was all that mattered right now. There will be consequences to deal with, but right now she was all I wanted in my world. She was my world.

She resisted the kiss for a second before relaxing into my arms and starting to move her hands up my shoulders and hair. I ran my hands, that were cupping her cheeks, down her body to her waist and her back, bringing her closer to me. God, I missed her touch and the feel of her heat against my body was driving me crazy.

I angled my head so the kiss was even deeper now as our tongues started to tease each other. I couldn't get enough of her mouth. The only sounds in the room were the ones from our heavy breathing now.

I started to lean back against the couch and pulled her down with me. This allowed more contact between our bodies. I could feel her everywhere. I started to run my left hand up her back. Up and down, up and down, while my right hand went down to grab her ass. It was perfect. She stilled for a second, but when she started to moan, I took it as encouragement to keep doing it.

Her hands felt amazing, massaging my head. We kept doing this for a couple of minutes, hell if I knew how long we'd been here, until she pulled away from my mouth and started to kiss down my jaw and neck, licking and nibbling.

Fuck.

I was breathing embarrassingly loud, but I didn't give a damn. Her moans covered them.

As she started to kiss down my neck, I took the chance to lift her shirt just a little bit and let my hand wander up her back. The skin to skin contact felt amazing, and I barely noticed that she stopped kissing me.

"Is this ok?" I asked, because if she wanted me to stop, I would.

She nodded and sat up, straddling me. She released her hair from her ponytail and her hair fell down her back in beautiful curls. Ever so slowly, she started to take off her shirt; up her body, exposing her milky skin, her stomach, her breasts, then her shoulders, tossing it to the other side of the couch and leaving her in only a lacy blue bra.

She looked breathtaking now, even with how tired she looked a few moments ago. She was staring down at me with eyes full of lust and something more that I couldn't place. I ran my hands up her sides, so _soft_, as she panted and I cupped her breasts. She leaned her head back and started moaning. I took that as an opportunity to sit up and got rid of my own shirt now. I then started to kiss her chest and neck as I slowly led my hands to her back and started unclasping her bra. I took it off and threw it to where her shirt had landed before and I held her tight to my body, kissing and nibbling her shoulders, her neck, her jaw, all the while running my hands up and down her back once again.

The feel of our skin against each other was amazing. I felt like I was on fire and I couldn't get enough of it. I reached her beautiful mouth and started kissing her with more passion. I felt we were more connected than ever. She was gripping my hair tight in her fists, but the pain it brought was welcomed, as she started rocking her hips against my crotch.

_Good God, this woman was going to kill me._

I leaned back again and lay flat on the couch with my hands holding her hips as I watched her grind herself on my crotch with her head thrown back, her luscious hair falling down her back as she touched her breasts. The image of this moment will forever be engraved in my brain.

She looked gorgeous.

I slowly moved my hands from her hips and ran them along the edge of her jeans, until I got to her button. I undid it as I watched her for any sign that she might not want this. She moved her head to look me in the eyes, she was panting and said nothing. We only stared at each other. She ran her right hand slowly down her body and joined mine to help me unzip her jeans.

She didn't hesitate.

More skin was revealed when we did this, and our breathing and panting got even louder now. I looked down to our joined hands and as I saw the edge of her blue panties, I ran my right hand inside her panties as my left one held her hip.

She was so hot and wet as I ran my fingers up and down her folds. I heard her moans and whimpers, and she started to whisper my name and rock her hips. This was too much. I had to see her.

I took my hand out of her panties and sat up on the couch. I kissed her and slowly started to lay her on her back. I was kneeling between her legs, and I started to remove her jeans along with her panties. I removed her shoes and everything else throwing them to the side of the couch.

I stood up and the sight before me was breathtaking. She was naked, panting and looking at me like no one else had ever looked at me. I'd had sex before but no woman has ever looked this beautiful to me before. No woman had elicited this amount of desire and care from me before. She was different.

"Edward, please," she panted as she ran her hands up and down her body, cupping her breast and then pinching her nipples.

I quickly removed my own shoes and pants, as I was not wearing any underwear. I was very grateful of this fact at the moment since my erection had been painfully hard for the last minutes.

She gasped as she looked at my cock. It was hard, and moisture had already gathered at the head.

She reached out and grabbed it, holding it firmly in her hands as she started stroking it. I threw my head back and moaned with the amazing feeling those movements brought. When I started moving my hips with the rhythm of her hands, I'd had enough. I needed to be inside her.

I took her wrist and she released my cock. I could see from here that she was wet from watching me and I had the desire to taste her, to smell her, but this was not the time for that ... yet.

I went to join her in the couch as I lay myself on top of her. I ran my hands slowly up her body … her legs, her hips, her breasts, her arms as I settle myself. We were touching everywhere and it felt much better than I had ever imagined it would feel. She was soft and warm against my skin.

I supported myself on my left forearm next to her head as my right hand slowly went back to caress her side until I reached her leg. I brought it up to my hip and she encircled my back. As she did this, her hands ran up and down my back, calming my nerves for what we were about to do.

I took my hand from her thigh and cupped her face. She looked so beautiful under the lights coming from outside.

The sun was starting to set and the room was filled with reds and oranges that highlighted the colors of her hair, her eyes and even her skin. The light bathed us and as the day died so did the doubt and hesitation that had filled us. We were both naked in body and soul. This was the beginning of something new, something we had been both waiting for our whole lives.

I kissed her as I realized this and I felt tears rolling down her cheeks. She saw me, all of me, the parts I showed to the world and the ones that I wanted to keep to myself. I saw her as well, the real Bella. I kissed her lips, her cheeks, her nose and finally her forehead, wanting to show her how precious she was to me and how cherished she should be.

I brought my body down to hers, pulling us closer and then I aligned myself at her entrance. I felt her hot and ready for me. This was it, the moment when we would cross the line and there would be no going back. This was the moment where she could still say no and, as heartbreaking as that would be, I'd let her go, because I couldn't treat her like the rest of them.

I rocked my hips a little and she moaned as she threw her head back. "God, Edward."

"Bella." I whispered and she looked back at me again, and this time there was not only lust in her eyes, but once again, there was that light I saw earlier that I couldn't quite place.

"Are you sure about this? I need to know if this is what you really want. I could never force you to. If you want to stop then I will. After this, there is no going back though." I said this as I looked into her eyes for any sign of doubt.

"Edward, I want you, all of you. We had already showed each other our hearts and souls. Now I want to give you my body just as I want yours to claim. Please Edward, let me claim you as mine, even if is just for one night," she said this as she ran her hands to my hips and pulled me closer to her.

This was it then. I watched her face as I slowly entered her. If I thought I felt her everywhere before, this moment killed all of that. She was so warm and tight and I could feel every unbelievable inch as I went further. I tried to keep looking at her eyes, but the sensations were too much at the moment, so I closed mine and buried my face into her neck. I tried to control my breathing and when I finally looked at her, she had tears in her eyes. I panicked thinking that I had hurt her or that she was regretting this.

"Shit, Bella. Are you ok? Did I hurt you?"

She shook her head and smiled at me.

"I never knew, Edward. I just never knew it could feel this way, so complete and right."

"I know," I sighed with relief.

I started pulling out almost to the end and then entered her once again, with a little more force than before. She moaned my name and threw her head back while bringing my hips closer with her hands.

We did this for a few moments. I couldn't help but watch her face as she let herself go. A layer of sweat was starting to form on her skin and, with the light that came from outside the window, she looked magnificent.

My thrusts become more forceful as the moments went by and I started to feel her tightening around me. I lowered my face and started to lick the sweat from her neck and shoulders as she brought her hands up to circle mine.

We were both panting and moaning each other's names as our skin became slicker with each thrust I made. I could feel her skin so hot against my own, and I wanted to feel her even closer to me.

My left arm held her right shoulder as my right one gripped her hip. I was getting closer to my release and I could feel that she was as well. I looked at her face and I saw her panting with her eyes closed, and I leaned in and kiss her. Our tongues brushed against each other as we swallowed our cries.

I sped my thrusts and she was bringing her hips up to meet mine. The only sounds in the room were our moans and the skin on skin contact.

Bella broke the kiss and said louder into the room.

"God, Edward … right there … harder please."

"Ahh, Bella … fuck ... you feel amazing … God, I gotta feel you come around me." I buried my face in her neck once again.

"God, yes! … Edward!" And then she came, gripping me tightly. A couple of more thrusts and I came inside of her, my body tightened and I saw white spots behind my closed eyes. I let myself go to the all consuming pleasure, to the bliss that only being with her could bring.

I collapsed on top of her and I rested my face on her chest, close to her heart. We laid there for a few moments, trying to catch our breaths as I started to regain the feeling of my legs and arms.

Bella started to run her hands through my hair again. It felt so good and peaceful that I was afraid I would fall asleep from it. I pulled myself out of her and carefully settled next to her, bringing her into my arms. All I wanted to do now was hold her. I felt if I let her go, she would regret what had happened and I would never see her again.

She rested her head close to my heart now and sighed contently or what I hoped it was content. We laid on the couch for minutes or hours, I didn't know, our bodies intertwined as one. And as Bella before, I was left with the feeling of how right this was, how right it felt. It was dark now and the only light in the studio came from the streetlights outside. I could only see her outline and feel her breathing close to my body. But did I want to see her face now? What would I find? Regret?

"What happens now, Edward?" she asked after a while.

"I don't know, Bella, but we'll figure it out," I said as I ran my hand down her side.

"I'm happy, Edward. _You_ make me happy." She sighed and I felt her smile against my skin.

She started as my mystery muse, but the world had other ideas and turned her into a forbidden one and, by pursuing her, there were consequences to pay.

Would we be able to come out of that storm unscathed? What would we lose after this?

I thought about our future as I drifted off to sleep with my muse in my arms, the one that not only brought new inspiration to my life but that brought me to life.

* * *

**Thank you for reading :-)**


	3. A Resolution

**God, it took me forever to update this story, so sorry. Thank you so much to all of you who read this little O/S, well, not so little, but you know what I mean ;-)**

**When I first started writing it, I thought at the most I could get 10k words and say everything I wanted to say and call it a day. Easy, breezy, right? Well, that didn't turn out like I thought it would. At all. Who knew I could be THIS wordy? I sure as hell didn't.**

**Many thanks to my beta Songster with her help in the re-edition of the original O/S (that is now split into two parts) and betaing this chapter as well.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all its characters, I just have a little fun with them.**

**So here ya go, hope you like it :-)**

O~o~O~FM~O~o~O

The warm water felt amazing against my body, soothing my aching muscles and cleansing my skin. I stretched my legs a little further, closing my eyes, and leaned back against the warm body that was settled behind me in the tub.

I could feel Edward's warm skin against my own, as well as the rise and fall of his breathing against my back and I instantly started to relax, melting into his touch. He ran his hands up and down my arms while I did the same to his legs, placed at each side of my body. His touch, combined with the warm water and the steam that enveloped the little bathroom, were making all my nerve endings alert. I felt like I was in a cocoon of warmth, safety and love ... _Love?_ No, it was too soon to think about that. Yes, we cared about each other, but love? Was _this_ love?

He interrupted my thoughts when I felt his lips on my right temple, peppering little kisses all the way down to the side of my chin. The touch of his mouth against my skin made it feel like it was on fire, and even the slight tickles his light stubble caused me were not able to stop the delicious shiver that ran through me and made me tighten my grip on his legs. I felt Edward's smile on my chin when this happened.

It was amazing how his touch made me feel safe and cherished, eliciting the need to be constantly touching him in some way or another. I didn't know how we'd be able to resist not having _some_ kind of physical connection when we're outside of his studio. Out in the real world.

I couldn't believe how much of a roller coaster of a day this had been, hell, these past few weeks for that matter. I never thought that going to the park to read every afternoon would end up changing my life this much, making it that much better but also much more complicated and confusing.

I'd always gone there to read and relax for a few hours after work. It worked perfectly since I lived close by and I was able to enjoy the walk there and back, especially on these days when the weather was much warmer. I loved sitting there under my favorite tree, the one where I could relax and enjoy the scenery, watching the families take their little ones to play and run.

However, as much as that image made me happy to see, it also made my heart hurt. I was marrying Emmett in a few months and, for the life of me, I couldn't picture him running around after our own children, buying them ice cream or spoiling them just like the parents I saw there did to their children.

Emmett was a man who liked control and even though it worked fine for his line of work, I didn't think it was something that had to be kept in every aspect of his life. Everything about him spoke of this: his clothes had to be of the right brand and color coordinated for the entire week, his apartment was the dream of design magazines where everything had its perfect place. He was always running on a tight and controlled schedule where there was no space to improvise. God forbid, if these days I ever showed up at his office and messed that up with a surprise.

If we ever had kids, would I be going there alone to play with them? Would he think they were getting too dirty and then not allow them to go? These were things that we should've talked about months ago, when we first started dating. Where did we see ourselves in the future, what were our dreams and frustrations?

But none of that happened, I'd talked about them more with Edward in the last couple of weeks than with Emmett in all the time we'd been together. It was always how _he_ saw our lives together, how _he_ thought it should be and the direction it should take. I know I should've said something a long time ago, but I always let it slide, thinking there would be time for that later, that we had plenty of it to talk about those things. Well, time ran out the day he proposed and I was as clueless to those answers that day as the day I met him.

On that day, I said yes to him because I loved him, or at least I thought I did at the moment. He was good to me and treated me in a way no man had ever done before. Back then it seemed like I was the only person in his world and he made sure I knew that, always filling my inbox with silly little emails throughout the day or going to my office to have surprise lunches. Maybe it was just a way to get me to date him. I didn't know anymore, I didn't know _him_ anymore.

Then things started to settle and we entered a routine, a routine neither of us wanted to break, feeling too comfortable with it or maybe not caring enough to do it. I should've stopped it right there and set us both free, since it was obvious the relationship was going nowhere, but I was complacent with it and too much of a coward to do something, _anything_. We were drifting apart more and more and we were not willing to work for _us_. If was being honest with myself, I didn't know why he proposed in the first place, I guess it seemed like the obvious next step at that point.

What a big mistake that was.

"What are you thinking about?" Edward whispered to my ear. God, I loved his voice.

"Everything," I sighed, "how my life was a couple of months ago and how different it is now. It makes me not want to face what's outside of the door to this studio."

"I know what you mean, but please don't think about that just yet; don't think about the world out there. Stay here with me in this moment just a little longer," Edward said with a desperate tone in his voice while gripping my arms a little too tight.

I started to rise from my position between his legs and his grip got even stronger. I placed my left hand on top of his right one silently telling him to loosen it, which he slowly did. I turned my body to face him and some water splashed from the tub. I scooted forward until his chest made contact with my breasts and I circled his waist with my legs as he did the same with his. I felt his hands stroking my ribs, drawing little patterns with feather light touches.

I leaned forward and placed my hands on either side of his face and made him look at me in the eyes. "I'm not going anywhere anytime soon, Edward. I'm yours, at least for the rest of the night, only _yours_. Tomorrow morning we'll try to figure it out, but right now, right here, I'm yours," I told him while rubbing my thumbs over the dark circles under his eyes, which seemed even more accentuated under the light of the candles that were spread here and there around the room. Seemed like, just like me, he hadn't been able to sleep that much in these past two weeks.

He visibly relaxed with these words and let his forehead rest against mine. We stayed like this for a few moments, staring into each other's eyes with only the sounds of our breaths filling the small room, just be completely wrapped up in the other. Our own little bubble.

Once the water started to get cold, we got out of the tub and I took the opportunity to grab a towel to start drying him. I wanted to show him that as much as it touched me that he took care of me, I wanted to do the same for him. So I took my time drying his hair, his face and then the rest of his body.

"Bella," he whispered. I was drying his legs by then and when I looked up, he had the most vulnerable look I'd ever seen on him. He looked like a little boy at that moment, but his eyes also shone with something more. Adoration? Care? I couldn't place it or maybe I didn't want to just yet.

I slowly stood up, never taking my eyes off of his, the green in them was the most beautiful shade I had seen so far in Edward's eyes, if that was even possible, accentuated by the little specks of gold I hadn't notice until that night when we first kissed.

I took a moment to kiss his chest, where his heart was beating frantically, showing him that I wanted to care and cherish it just as much as he did me. He cradled my face in his hands, staring at me for a few moments, as if searching for something in my eyes. Then it seemed like he was going to say something but thought better of it.

He leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. The kiss was slow and soft at first. He took my bottom lip between his and lightly started to nip it. God, it felt amazing. I parted my lips a little and began licking at his upper one, which elicited a moan from Edward. I lifted my hands to grab his hair and tilted my head to deepen the kiss a little more, he complied and then the kiss was no longer soft and slow. We did this until we could no longer breath and had to break it.

"God Bella, what you do to me," he placed a hand on my back and brought me flush against his body. I could feel him hard between us and the thought of that made me moan and rest my forehead against his shoulder.

"See? You not only bring my body to life," at his serious tone, I looked up into his eyes, "but you also bring _me_ to life, after years of just ... existing, not really living, you brought me back. Yes, I had passion for my work but it always lacked something that I now can see it was life, a soul," he sighed.

"It's not only my body that is bare before you, Bella, but every part of me. I've got nothing to hide from you; I don't _want _to hide anything from you. Just as you are mine, I am yours. No matter what happens now."

I couldn't believe what he was saying. The adoration in his voice was palpable with each word he spoke. This was more than care for him, I could see that now, more than anything he'd ever felt before, he _loved_ me. Had _he_ realized this yet? He was willing to give me his heart even if he didn't know I felt the same way about him. Did I feel the same way? I couldn't think about that under the circumstances we were in; I was still engaged to Emmett. I knew my heart already belonged to Edward, but thinking about love was too much right now.

"Edward, I-" I choked, barely able to say anything through my tears.

"Don't say anything, Bella. I only wanted you to know how I feel about us and that I'm in this for the long run. I will not give up on you if you want me and I don't consider what happened tonight a one time thing. I'll wait for you for as long as necessary," he whispered while rubbing my back.

He took a towel as well and started drying off my body with it. Had it not been because the night was so warm, we'd be freezing already. He last dried off my tears and once he was finished, Edward kissed my forehead and eyelids, went to blow out the candles and led me to his bed. We laid on top of the blankets, the warm night enough to make us comfortable lying just like this.

He was willing to wait for me for as long as necessary and, by the look of how things were, that could be a long time. If I wanted him? Of course I wanted him and my heart had already made up its mind about that fact. Being with Edward was the only certainty in my life at the moment, well, that and the fact that I had to end things with Emmett. I was just so confused about everything else, how to break up with Emmett? How to tell his parents? But the one thing I was sure of was that I wanted Edward.

We laid there resting on our sides, facing each other. I was not really touching him, but I could feel his body heat close to my skin none the less. I was on my right side with my hand placed under the pillow and my left one resting in the space between our bodies, my arm slightly covering my breasts.

It was like seeing him under a new light now. We were no longer repressing our feelings and just like he said, he was bare before me in every sense of the word. I didn't want to hide anything from him either, but as things were right now, that was not possible. I couldn't be one hundred percent honest with him with some things until I broke things off with Emmett. I still had a commitment to him, as twisted as that sounded, considering I was here naked with his brother.

"Hey, come back to me," he whispered and brought a hand to my face while trying to smooth the frown I didn't know I was making with the pad of his thumb.

"Sorry, it's just hard to turn off my brain sometimes."

He nodded and slid his hand down the side of my body to my left thigh and then went up again. My body responded to his touch and I bent my leg so that it was closer to his body, seeking his contact.

The room was dark except for the lights coming from the streets and the faint one coming from the moon, creating a beautiful, almost ethereal, atmosphere in the studio.

"Your skin is so soft. I've tried to get it right in my paintings, but I'm never satisfied with the way it turns out. Feeling it against my skin tonight, I realize that'll never happen." He was looking at his hand as it caressed my skin with such amazement, as if it was the first time he had ever touched me. Like I wasn't even real and would disappear at any second. I hated that he had reasons to actually believe this.

He did this for a while, just grazing my skin with his hand, sometimes stopping when he felt even the slightest of changes on it, or going back again to some of my curves. He was memorizing me. True to form, Edward was observing the world around him; it just turns out that at this moment, _I_ was that world.

"I love the way your curves move. I can see how my brush would flow against the canvas at this one," he was sliding his hand over the curve of my ass, my thigh and down to my knee, "or at this one", his hand went up to my waist and down to my belly button.

I closed my eyes and surrendered to the feelings his touch was giving me, my body feeling very aware of every brush of his hand. Just like back in the bathtub, my skin felt like it was on fire, and even though he was touching little areas of my body at a time, I could feel him _everywhere _at the same time. He just kept running his hand softly up and down my body.

I felt his hand finally rest on the one that I had laying on the bed. When I opened my eyes he was rubbing little circles with his thumb on my knuckles.

"How did you get this little scar here?" he suddenly asked while looking at the back of my hand.

The thought that he actually cared about that story made me smile and I tried to remember how I had gotten it.

"Well, that was from a baking accident that happened when I was sixteen," I laughed at his surprised expression.

"What? Baking accident? Are you _that_ bad in the kitchen?" His boyish grin looking so cute on his face.

"Very funny, Mr. Cullen. And just for that you won't get to taste my super special Carrot Cake," I said while trying to look serious. I failed.

"Carrot? Carrots don't go into cakes, Bella. What's next? Broccoli cheese cake? Bean cookies?" He said with a disgusted face.

"God, Edward, I don't know what have you been eating all these years, but if you've never had carrot cake, you might as well not have lived at all. Seriously. And I know for a fact Esme bakes them, since we traded recipes a while ago." His face fell a little at my mention of Esme, a reminder of one of the people we had to face.

"Now, would you please let me finish my story and then maybe, _maybe_ I'll bake some delicious carrot cake for you someday," I said this looking right into his eyes, meaning every word of it. Yes, we would have many days together in the future.

"I'd like that," his face was soft and I knew he understood what I had meant.

"Ok, so I was baking some cupcakes for Charlie one Saturday afternoon, mostly trying out some new recipes and such. Charlie was working late that night and I thought it would be a nice surprise when he got home to find some sweet treats." I smiled remembering Charlie's love for all things sweet. How was he not in a diabetic coma by now was a mystery.

"When they were ready I went to take them out of the oven and suddenly the door from the back of the kitchen opened and a man all dressed in black appeared there. I panicked and started to scream and throw the hot cupcakes at him, not caring if they burned my hand. I don't know what I was thinking. There was no way the cupcakes would've stopped him unless he was diabetic or something." I was laughing now and Edward had this very amused face on him.

"This man was asking me to stop and the voice was very familiar, which is when I realized it was Charlie! Seems he got locked out and had been calling me to open the door for the last ten minutes, but I was wearing headphones and didn't hear him." Charlie had looked so surprised with the cupcake attack.

Edward was really laughing now and I loved seeing him like that; he looked so young and carefree and plain old … happy.

"When the surprise wore off, my hand started to throb after throwing all those hot cupcakes and touching the tray with that hand. At least my other one had a mitten. I was lucky this scar was all I had left from that day. Safe to say, Charlie never forgot his keys again and ever since, every time he wants me to bake him cupcakes, he first puts on a football helmet until they are done and cold in front of him."

Edward was shaking his head and had an amused look, but also a little serious.

"You crazy girl, even with a tray of cupcakes in your hands you were able to defend yourself, though, as you said, it wouldn't have made any difference had it been a real threat. God, Bella, you're much stronger than you give yourself credit for. You never give up, even if it seems there is no hope. You always amaze me."

It surprised me the way he talked about me at times, with such reverence. It was incredible to hear, more since it was in a way I didn't see at all. Edward had such faith in me; it was overwhelming at times. I knew I could defend myself and stand my ground when I had to, so why didn't I do that when it was time to break things off with Emmett? What was I so afraid of?

We kept asking little questions and telling each other silly little stories for an hour or two. Neither one of us was willing to stop, as if every little scar and freckle was the most interesting thing we had ever seen. Which for the both of us, it was.

I learned that he liked tomatoes, but not tomato soup. That he didn't like white t-shirts since he viewed them as blank canvases and it drove him insane, so he often ended up painting them or designing something for them. I laughed a lot with that one. That he loved the rain, even if it meant he couldn't go outside to draw, because that meant he was able to stay in bed and watch the shadows the rain drops cast on the ceiling and walls from outside. That he loved the shapes of them and what his imagination came up with. It was his own rainy day's equivalent of watching the shapes of clouds on sunny days.

He learned that I loved everything that had blueberries in them, but couldn't stand the actual berry. That as much as I loved good books and work with great writers, I have a secret stash of naughty novels. He was very interested on checking those out for himself, for research purposes, he said. I just rolled my eyes and smiled. He also learned that I loved the beach the most and how the fresh wind and the smell of the salty water somehow soothed me.

During all this exploration, our bodies moved closer and closer until I was resting my head on his chest and my left leg was on top of his. The sound of his heartbeat against my ear was very calming and that, with the sounds of his breathing, were making me slowly drift into sleep. He had his left arm protectively wrapped around my back while the other one was holding my hand. Seeing my hand in his was very comforting, the small gesture very simple, but yet so big.

It was then that I noticed my bare ring finger and it seemed like Edward hadn't or was choosing to ignore it, since it didn't seem like he was going to say anything. I looked up and saw that he was watching me with those beautiful eyes, the same eyes that caught my attention that first time I saw them at the park all those weeks ago.

I had been going there as usual that day and I noticed someone sitting under a nearby tree, which was not very uncommon since the days have been pretty nice for people to stay outside. Being careful that he wasn't looking at me, I noticed his profile and very strange shade of hair. I didn't know if it was the sun or maybe that he dyed it. In these days, that wouldn't have been very weird. He had an amazing profile and I could tell just by that this man was very handsome. I couldn't see his eyes and I didn't want him to notice that I was watching him. His body looked fit but not overly, and his long fingers were gripping the pencil with such a force, I thought it might snap at any second.

I think I stayed at the same page for an hour trying to look nonchalant.

Then I started to wonder how those hands would feel on my skin and that thought brought a wave of guilt that, for a moment, took my breath away. How could I be having such thoughts about a guy I didn't even know while I was fucking engage?

I noticed that he was watching me from time to time, or at least looking my way. Suddenly, I was very nervous about this guy. What a great fiancée to Emmett I was.

I was feeling more guilty the next day sitting there, but somehow it all went to hell the second our eyes met for the briefest moment. I couldn't believe this guy could be any more gorgeous than I had previously seen. His eyes were the most beautiful shade of green I had ever seen, but what startled me was that he seemed like he could _see_ right through me.

After that, I really did stay an hour on the same page.

I couldn't believe such a connection was even possible. Wasn't this kind of pull supposed to happen after a long time of knowing someone? I was sure I was imagining things and he couldn't possibly feel the same _something_. That was confirmed the next day when he didn't show up. Had I scared him? Did he think I was some stalker that was there just staring at him? Maybe he had seen me looking at him and I had not been as inconspicuous as I thought.

The day after that I _had_ to see if he would show up or not; I had to see if it was just me that was feeling this pull or if I had imagined it somehow. When I saw him sitting there again, I had my answer. And that's how the next two weeks went by.

To say that I was surprised that he was the Edward I had heard of all this time from Emmett and his parents would be putting it lightly. I couldn't believe it when I saw him at dinner that Saturday, but then what took my breath away was the absolute raw connection we had when we started talking. He asked about my life and seemed to want to know every little detail that had to do with me. And it was absolutely breathtaking hearing him talk about his years in Italy with such a passion and detail; it was like being there with him every step of the way.

The rest of that dinner was a mixture of heaven and hell. On one hand there was this very charming guy in front of me talking passionately about art, food and traveling who was also able to show how much he cared about his family. You could see it in the way his eyes shone every time he talked to Esme.

And on the other hand, I was sitting next to the man I was engaged to and every time he talked I wanted to punch him for putting Edward down. I couldn't have cared less when he had to leave dinner and all these feelings were making me feel so guilty. How could I be more interested in talking and interacting with a guy that I met only a few hours ago and be so detached toward the man I was marrying in the next couple of months? I was a sick woman, no doubt. And it was even worse when Edward and I started talking after everyone left.

If I thought our easy talk during dinner had anything to do with the fact that we were just getting to know each other in front of the family, that went to hell later on when we were left alone. I not only wanted to know more about him, I _needed_ it.

Which is why our silent agreement to start seeing each other at the park every day began. From then on it was a matter of necessity and when I saw him there, I knew he felt the same way. I started to look forward for that time with Edward even if I was just sitting there, feeling his eyes on me. It was exhilarating. I knew what I was doing was wrong. Yes, it seemed innocent enough, but then why didn't I tell Emmett? No, we both knew that what we were doing was not conventional and the judging would be too much to face, nobody would understand and, most of all, at the moment _we_ didn't even know where this was leading. So we chose the path that gave us self satisfaction. If it was something we both wanted, then why deny it.

At that moment neither of us knew, or didn't want to acknowledge, that the sequence of actions that would lead us to a no-turning-back situation had been set in motion.

Looking back, I can't say I regret making that decision, even with everything we'd have to face outside of Edward's studio after tomorrow.

"Is your brain taking you away from me once again?" Edward whispered sadly.

"Yes, but this time I was remembering the first time we were introduced at your mom's. I thought your eyes were gonna leave your head at any second," I teased, trying to lighten the mood a little.

"Well, it was a big surprise seeing you there, that's for sure. But a very pleasant surprise in the end, one of those life changing ones that you never expect but can't believe it didn't come sooner." He was giving me that look from earlier, and once again he seemed like he wanted to say something to me and then regretted it.

I moved up his body and pressed my lips to his, trying to tell him that I felt the exact same way. That despite the crappy situation, I was glad this led me to him, here and now.

I positioned myself on top of him and could already feel him hard between our bodies. Edward was kneading my backside as I parted my legs to either side of his hips. My hands were perched in his hair, feeling the silky strands between my fingers. How could his hair be this soft? It didn't seem fair.

I let my tongue trace his upper lip, completely lost in the feelings the taste of his skin were evoking in me. He tasted amazing, just a little salty mixed with something that made him completely Edward. We were both moaning and gasping by now and suddenly the fact that we were both naked on top of the covers seemed like the best idea of the night.

I leaned back and placed my hands on his chest, steadying myself. Edward's eyes were a deeper shade of green by now and he was looking at me like I was the most precious thing he'd ever laid eyes on. He could always make me feel so beautiful with just one look. I could feel his racing heart against my hand and the movements of his breathing.

"Bella," he panted.

With my right hand I helped him align himself to me as I lifted my body, never taking my eyes off of his. I then slowly slid down on him, feeling every inch entering me, stretching me. By now, his hands were tightly gripping my backside as he broke our stare and closed his eyes, arching his back and bringing his hips closer to me to get himself deeper inside of me. I brought my hand once again to his chest and I started to move on top of him, slowly at first to find our rhythm.

He was gorgeous when he was like this. The muscles of his neck strained, his jaw clenched and his breathing hard. And he was mine.

Once our bodies reconnected with the other, his thrusts began to speed up and became more forceful as he guided me to him in long strokes. The only sounds in the room now were from our moans and whimpers as well as the sound of skin against skin.

Being with Edward was quite the experience, feeling his hard body under my own, watching and feeling how his muscles contracted under my hands. He said I was beautiful, but like this, he was breathtaking. Edward moved his hands and was gripping my hips tightly, guiding me to him.

I was getting close to release and I could feel Edward was as well so I leaned back and placed one hand on his leg as the other made its way down to where we were joined. The new angle only adding to the sensations that were coursing through my body at that moment, as well as to Edward's, since he started to thrust even harder and faster now. I began to rub on my clit faster and faster and I could see Edward watching my fingers with rapt attention.

All this did was push me over the edge and I was coming hard a few seconds later, closing my eyes and stilling above him, letting my release consume me. A few hard thrusts later and Edward was coming as well, arching his back and repeating my name as he spilled inside me. He would absolutely be leaving me with some bruises on my hips tomorrow.

Once he came, I fell exhausted on top of him with my head resting over his heart and my arms falling limp on either side of him. I could listen to the fast pounding of his heart as well as his heavy breathing. Mine weren't that much different.

"God, you look beautiful when you come. I can already see the colors I'd use and how to get that glow of your skin," he panted and his hands started running little circles on my shoulder blades.

"Were you thinking about paintings and colors while I was coming on top of you? Are you serious?" I laughed, because I knew he was serious to some extent. Edward could not shut his brain off.

"Yes, I am. You are beautiful and putting that on a canvas would be nothing short of breathtaking. The movement of your hips, the rise and fall of your breasts, the fall of your tangled hair down your back, the flush of your skin and that glow I just said."

"Edward Cullen, are you telling me that you would paint your own porn? And by the way, that magical glow you seem so fond of, well, it's called sweat, plain old sweat," I was laughing while I rested my chin on his chest. "And what would people think when they saw that painting?"

"I never said I'd let people see it," he gripped me a little tighter. "That would be for _my_ pleasure alone, although it would have nothing on the muse that inspired it," he said as he brought one hand to stroke my cheek.

I loved seeing him like this, seeing how his mind worked. From what I was able to see of his work, it was not only about the little details here and there, although they were an important part of it since he was able to catch the little things that nobody else was able to see; but also, how they make him feel as well. It was in his expert brush strokes and color usage that you were able to _feel_ what was on the canvas, what he saw in real life and wanted to paint for the rest to see. It also made for some interesting discussions for what people saw and what he intended them to see.

Still, I was surprised and shocked when I saw his sketch book with all the drawings and little paintings of me. It was incredible and absolutely humbling to see the way he saw me. In his eyes, I was gorgeous and something precious, but there was something else there as well. He was not only drawing a beautiful woman to his eyes, he was drawing a woman he adored from afar, because, somehow, longing was evident in his early sketches. That thought that made me sad. It was obvious he had been struggling about this just as much as I had been. I could almost tell the moods he had been on when he did most of his sketches. Such was the powerful way in which Edward saw the world.

I had to admit that not only his expert work made me identify such a longing, but also because _I_ was feeling it as well at the moment. While I was sitting under that tree day after day, all I wanted to do was to reach for him and touch him, even for a moment, to know that this thing I was feeling was real or not; that _he_ was real.

The pull between us had been getting stronger and stronger by the day during those weeks at the park and not just because of our quiet afternoons together. Talking to Edward about anything made feel so relaxed, like I could truly tell him anything and find no judging of any kind there. He was so passionate about the things he loved that it was contagious and it made me feel free and relaxed to talk to him about my passions as well. I hadn't had those kind of talks in such a long time, always trying to say the right thing at the right moment, that I was surprised that I could actually let myself go and talk with Edward of things I rarely, if at all, talked to Emmett.

And when he listened to the story of my family and the issues with my mom, it was like a weight have been lifted from my shoulders. Nobody knew that story apart from my close family and Emmett only knew the keys points. But Edward listened, truly listened, and hearing him talk about how I deserved better than what I had with Emmett made me believe it myself.

There was something better for me out there; he just was the one to realized it before I did. At that point I _had_ to kiss him, right there and then, even if we were at his parents house. And my God what a kiss. His lips felt amazing against mine, so soft and yet so firm moving against my own. I forgot about the world in those moments and let myself go for the first time in my life. Just go. Feeling his warm body envelop me and his hot breath on my face was enough to make me do that.

But soon enough, the world outside crept inside our little bubble and I realized what a complete fool I'd made of myself, I was so embarrassed and filled with guilt on that day, which somehow escalated even more when he told me he'd been wanting to kiss me for a while as well. What had I done? What was I doing to this family? I just had to get out of there to think and the two week trip was the perfect opportunity to clear my head. Or so I thought.

Those fourteen days where pure hell on earth as I constantly wondered what Edward was doing and if he was thinking about the kiss as much as I was at that moment, which led to a whole new different level of guilt about wanting to talk more to Edward than to Emmett.

God, I was messed up and it did not help that every night apart I stared at one of the drawings Edward had made of me in his sketchbook, a page I had ripped from it while I was in his studio. It was so beautiful how he saw me and captured the little details of my face. It made me feel close to him while I traced the lines with the tips of my fingers, as if I could feel his hands slowly drawing them.

In the end, all I came up with was that my relationship with Emmett was beyond dead and I had to talk to him as soon as I got back into town to see what we'd make of it. Was there something to salvage? I didn't see it, but I had to give Emmett a chance to say something, _anything_ at this point. It was not healthy for either one of us to continue on this path and I hoped that at least we could remain friends after this or at least act civil to each other, which was something very unlikely if things with Edward progressed and we had to come clean to the rest of the family.

A future with Edward, that was what I wanted, I was sure of that before going on that trip. But how would we be able to have that I didn't know, considering I also didn't know if he was willing to keep going after the kiss. I mean, he said he wanted me, but things could've changed after those two weeks. But I wanted him and I needed to see if he felt the same for me still.

"Well, this muse is getting very tired right now and needs her rest. You wouldn't get any inspiration from tired eyes and bags under my eyes," I said as I eased my self to his side, coming back to the moment.

"Oh Bella, Bella. Do you know me at all? You could have a bags the size of Texas under those beautiful eyes and I'd still find some inspiration. Yes, it would be a painting for a house of horror somewhere, but I could make it work," he was grinning and looked so young all of the sudden.

"Very funny Mr. Cullen, maybe I should sleep with my back facing you tonight. That'll teach you to mock the muse." I smiled and rolled to do that just as he caught me and held me close to his chest.

"Oh no you don't. As fun as cuddling with you would be, and believe me it would be fun." He cocked an eyebrow which in turn made me laugh at his playing. "I want to see that face of yours as I fall asleep, Bella. I don't want to miss a minute of our time together." He was so sad while he said this and I understood perfectly. Our time together was running out and soon enough we'd have to face the world.

I settled once again at his side while looking at his eyes, I didn't want to miss anything either, and let sleep slowly take me while I listened to Edward's heartbeat and let his scent surround me. The sound of his breathing and the sight of those green eyes were the last thing I remembered as I drifted to sleep.

O~o~O~FM~O~o~O

While in the cab that drove me home the next morning, I couldn't stop the smile planted on my face at the moment. To the outside I must've looked like a moron, but on the inside I was a giddy girl.

Waking up this morning to the little kisses Edward was ghosting across my stomach from hip to hip, had been bliss. I couldn't get enough of his mouth, wanting it anywhere he wished to kiss me and never truly feeling like it was enough.

As the day broke and enveloped us in its lights, it felt like a new beginning of some sorts. No more doubts about each other anymore, we completely surrendered to what we were feeling and ready to start this new adventure. However, the new day also showed new clarity into our world, the clarity that our time together here was over and that there were still issues to face. We could not hide anymore.

Edward made me breakfast while I took a shower and in those simple actions I felt like we could actually make it. It was the stupidest thing, but I could picture years to come with that simple routine.

Saying goodbye had been so hard for the both of us, I felt like crying, but knew we'd be seeing each other again soon. We kept holding each other's hands while eating and feeling the pad of his thumb drawing little patterns on my knuckles eased my anxiety and took me back to the night before. We'd never leave his place if we kept this up.

"Ok, now I have to go, I still have to unpack the rest of my things, check my mail and all that crap that I wished I had paid someone to do for me." We were standing by his door, refusing to part.

"Well, you could stay here for the day and not worry about clothes _at all_. I'd make it worthwhile." He was trailing little kisses down my neck and making it very difficult for me to think clearly and refuse his offer.

"As amazing as that sounds, real life calls me and I have to go. I'm getting back to work tomorrow and need to sort that out." I didn't know how I managed to say those words at all with all his distracting moves.

He sighed in defeat and stared at me. He looked so sad, but there was this determination in his eyes as well.

"So hard to let you walk away now, but remember that I don't regret what happened here last night. I know we could've- no, should've handled things differently, but unfortunately that's not how things came to be. There is a lot to face from now on and the storm is just starting, but it will be ok; _we_ will be ok somehow. We'll figure it out." And once again his words of reassurance were making me feel at ease and safe.

"I feel the same way, Edward. I can't regret those hours spent together, feeling you close to me, finally making you mine." We were now getting closer and closer with our eyes locked in the other's lips.

After kissing and saying goodbye for the next ten minutes, I was finally able to get into a cab and go home, a home that no longer felt like one.

O~o~O~FM~O~o~O

As I was searching for the key to open the door to my apartment, my hand felt the little golden circle that I had thrown in there on my way out the door from Emmett's place just yesterday afternoon. With my eyes glued to the ring as I made my way inside and, after leaving my things on the coffee table, I sat down on the couch and began to stare at the ring.

It was a beautiful piece of jewelry, one that I should've been proud to wear on my finger, yet for the last few months, all I felt was sadness looking at it. I even took it off most of the times, telling myself, or more like convincing myself, that it was because I didn't want to get ink on it from all the writing I did, or that it was too precious for me to lose it. It shouldn't have matter if I really wanted to be Emmett's wife.

Every time someone asked me about it and the future wedding plans, all I did was change the subject and pray they didn't ask again. God knew I didn't have the energy to pretend to be the happy fiancée.

I sat on my couch for a few moments, remembering how I was greeted yesterday afternoon when I got back to the city before going to Edward's studio.

I had arrived home feeling very tired, not only from the flight, but because I'd barely been able to sleep at all for the past two weeks. I must've looked like a zombie and thank God for makeup, otherwise my professional look and the impression I was trying to pull off, would've gone out the window the second someone saw me.

However, I knew I had to go see and talk to Emmett, we needed to talk as soon as possible before things got out of hand for me with Edward. If I had been a mess thinking about him for two weeks, now being in the same city as him would surely break me. I needed to know what Emmett was thinking of our relationship. Was I the only one that saw the drifting apart?

So I went to see him at his apartment. He was a little surprised to see me there, thinking that maybe I'd wanted to rest after my flight, but other than that he said he was happy that I was there. Since he didn't know I was going to visit, he had already made other plans, business plans of course, and was heading to a dinner with some partners downtown.

I really needed to talk to him and he was ignoring me getting ready to head out, saying that we'd have plenty of time to talk, but he really needed to leave. He said he'd make it up to me this week by taking me to the most exclusive restaurant in New York. More proof that he didn't know me at all. I hated those places; I was happy eating a pizza and sitting at home if it meant we could be alone.

Before I left he said he had a gift for me and while he went to retrieve it from his bedroom I started to see my surroundings, really _see_ his apartment. Everything had its own place and should not be removed. It felt so cold with the white walls, the black furniture and the different shades of grey of the decorations that were here and there. There were a few photos of his family, but other than that there was no color anywhere nor more personal items. It looked like something out of a magazine rather than a place to really call home.

It was such a stark difference from my place. I loved colors and those little eclectic stores were my doom. I could always find something I liked and even though they didn't have much to do with my other things, somehow they fit well in there. My place was not a mess or anything, but I was not a monochromatic person at all and a lot of the things I had there held so many memories that it was hard to part from them so I made them a special place in my home.

I didn't think Emmett's place had ever seen a shade of blue in its life.

It was also very clear that this was the kind of place that Emmett would want _us_ to live in. A place like this would be the one where we'd raise a family, invite friends and spend our evenings. Suddenly I felt even more trapped in here. I didn't want this for me and I could not even think about it for my children.

"Here you go, Bella. I got this last week and when I saw it, I thought of you." He came back and I took a few breaths to calm myself from this little freak out.

"Thank you, Emmett," I said while I kissed his cheek.

When I opened the box, inside was a gorgeous Montblanc fountain pen. It seemed to be of rose and white gold and had little diamonds and a beautiful pearl on the side. I couldn't believe what he had gotten me and I didn't even want to know how much it had cost him.

"It's a Montblanc Greta Garbo special edition. When I saw it I thought of you, since you work with writers and you like to write stuff and all."

I like to write _stuff_ and all? That's how he saw what I did for a living? _That's_ why he thought of me when he saw this pen? I was speechless as I stared at it. Yes, it was beautiful and I appreciated it, but it was not me at all. Ever since college the only pens I'd used had been very simple and cheap. I have tons of them all lying around my place and office as well as different types of pencils that make my work easier. Hadn't he noticed them? I couldn't help to think about Edward and how he would never use such a pen.

The pen had been also a reminder of how our relationship really was. Beautiful and perfect to the outside world, something that the rest could envy and appreciate, but on closer inspection, it was just that, a facade and had no relation to the real nuts and bolts of relationships. We couldn't maintain that illusion of perfection every single second, ever if that was what Emmett wanted. I wanted us to be relaxed and messy and he insisted that everything had to be well planned and in places where others could see the perfect couple that we were.

It was that little pen what somehow sealed the deal for me. For the past two weeks I'd known we had to part ways, but I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, to hear his thoughts on the matter, but now? Now I could see that he would not listen, he hadn't been listening or _seeing me _for months now. As stupid as it sounded, it was that little gift that showed how much Emmett didn't know me at all, he didn't know the woman he was marrying. There had been signs all around me for months, but that was it.

"Thank you, Emmett, it's lovely." I placed the little box on the side table and turned to him. But somehow he sensed I wanted to talk about something serious and turned to get his wallet and cellphone from the table.

"Well, hope you like it. But as I said before, I need to get going now. You can stay here for a while and let yourself out," he said rather curtly, avoiding my eyes.

Why was he avoiding me? Did he know what I wanted to talk to him? If that was the case then I was not the only one feeling like this, but I was the only one finally taking the step toward talking about it, to acknowledging what was happening.

He kissed my cheek and left, leaving me standing there with the revelation right at the tip of my tongue. How I was going to talk to him about it was beyond me now. He was definitely avoiding me.

I took my things and placed the pen in my bag. As I was leaving the apartment, I looked at myself in the mirror by the door. What I saw surprised me. My face looked tired and it made me regret not taking a nap before heading out the door. I was wearing jeans, a simple t-shirt and my hair was up in a ponytail, but what really surprised me was how _I_ stood out in the middle of the room.

I could see the entire living room with its floor to ceiling windows and monochromatic pattern at my back and realized how much I didn't belong there; I didn't belong in Emmett's life just as much as he didn't belong in mine. It was almost like looking at a painting or a picture of a beautiful room and I was placed in the middle of it by mistake.

That made me think of Edward and wondered how would he paint the scene, what would he find that I couldn't see? Would he see how out of place I was there? My answer was clear: yes, yes he would, because he was able to see me beyond what I ever thought possible and if there was a place in the world where I knew I belonged, it was at Edward's side. Of this I was sure. I just hoped that he felt the same way after these past two weeks.

I took a cab to Edward's studio, sleep forgotten; I needed to see him and sort the last pieces out. I wanted him and I was sure I wanted to pursue him, but a real talk with Emmett had to come first, before I did anything with Edward. I just needed him to know of my resolution.

A couple of blocks closer to his place, I noticed the ring on my finger. A ring that as of that moment, didn't mean a thing anymore, except an enormous amount of regret and really bad decisions. I slipped it off my finger and put it in my bag.

I had officially checked out of my relationship with Emmett.

The sound of an incoming message on my phone brought me back from my memories of yesterday. I would check it later. I stood up from the couch and placed the ring on the side table as I headed to my bedroom to finish unpacking. After an hour of that and making some work related phone calls, I took a nice shower. I felt tired and energized at the same time. Edward and I were up till very late last night, but I wouldn't trade that for the world. My muscles relaxed under the spray of water and thinking about how Edward's hands felt on my body was making me want to go over to him that very second and forget what I said about work.

It was incredible what a difference a day can make.

When I got out of the shower I saw I had a couple of missed calls from Edward as well as a few messages. Reading at them, I didn't think he needed to check out my naughty books after all, he was doing just fine if his texts were any indication.

Also, there was a message from Emmett, telling me to meet him for dinner that night at six at his favorite restaurant and that there was much to talk about. That was an understatement, but what did _he_ wanted to talk about. Had he realized we were over and we could finally move on? Was it something else entirely? Maybe he knew about me and Edward? All questions I'd get my answers to tonight. Tonight was the night in which Emmett and I would end things. I would make him listen to me if I have to, but since we were in a public place, I didn't think I'd get resistance. Yes, this was better.

I texted Edward telling him I couldn't make it to the park today, but that I'd see him as soon as possible and if luck was on my side, I'd be a free woman when that happened.

O~o~O~FM~O~o~O

I should have known luck would turn her back on me, because the moment I stepped into the restaurant and saw that on the other side of the table, across from Emmett, were Esme and Carlisle; I knew I wouldn't get the answers I was looking for and that Emmett was avoiding talking to me. It seemed he _did_ know more than he had led on.

I tried to put on the best smile I could muster and headed inside. This would be an interesting dinner to say the least.

When I was about to reach the table, I noticed Esme and Carlisle's intertwined hands and what stood out the most were her engagement and wedding rings, which immediately sent alerts that I needed to put on my own engagement ring before they noticed.

I grabbed my bag with my left hand, trying to hide the fact that it was naked, and opened it to pull my phone out, signaling to the table that I had a call to take. This allowed me to turn to the back of the restaurant where the restrooms were located. Once I got there I started to look for the ring; I had placed it there before heading to dinner with every intention of giving it back to Emmett tonight.

When I put it on again, it felt so heavy and almost constrictive in my hand. It didn't belong there and I was sure everyone at the table would notice this. I didn't know how I was going to be able to sit there and pretend everything was alright. If it weren't for the fact that it would hurt Esme, I'd leave right now.

When I got back to the table, they were talking animatedly and for a second I forgot the knot in my stomach. Esme looked so happy. Her face and eyes had a new light and her skin and hair had a new color, now that she was getting much better after finishing the chemo. She looked like the Esme I had met all those months ago.

"There you are, dear. I hope the call was not bad news," she told me with such sincerity. She really did care about me.

"Oh no, Esme. Don't worry about it, just a few last minute arrangements before I go back to the office tomorrow," I said as I sat down next to Emmett, who took that moment to raise my left hand to his lips and kiss the ring right in front of his parents. I had to fight the urge to pull away.

"Yes, Bella. You wouldn't want to bring _bad_ news into the table, right?" I gasped and looked at his face.

To the outsider, he looked like a loving man showing the woman he loved a little act of affection, but his eyes, they said nothing but. There was so much tension, almost rage, in them and the tone in which he spoke the words was as if he was daring me to say something in front of his parents. Did he know about Edward and I? How much did he know? How exactly did he find out?

He was gripping my hand tightly and waiting for my answer.

"No Emmett, I wouldn't. This is not the place for bad news. We're here to have a nice dinner with your parents, am I right?" I was glaring at him now. I couldn't believe he was doing this now, here. I had so many questions and no way of getting my answers right away.

The rest of the dinner was pure hell. All Esme talked about was wedding related, where could we have it, what kind of flowers would be best, how many guests ... I felt so overwhelmed with all this information and mostly guilty, since in reality, we were making plans for a wedding that would never happen.

Emmett offered input here and there, but mostly he stayed quiet. I didn't even know why he was there in the first place, he was so out of it, it was ridiculous. All through dinner he held my hand or gripped my knee, something a few weeks ago I would've thought it was his way of always keep contact with me, but tonight it was a possessive move, telling me I was his and I was not embarrass him in front of his parents. I felt sick. All I wanted to do was run to Edward's studio and have him hold me the way he did last night. I was his, but he never made me think I was a thing in his possession.

After agreeing on a lunch date with Esme for the next week, Emmett said he needed to leave to take care of some things and that I'd be seeing him soon. He was avoiding me once again and I couldn't call him on it in front of his parents. I had to hold my tongue and look like the understanding fiancée.

By the time I got home I was fuming. I couldn't believe he had done this. I knew what I had done with Edward was wrong, at least the way we had handled it, but I wanted to come clean to him and set us both free of this. However, from the look of things, Emmett had other plans. What were those? It scared me to think about what he might do. I never thought of him as someone dangerous at all, but after tonight's shift of behavior, I came to realize that there was a side of Emmett that I had never seen before.

And apparently we were all about to discover it very soon.

* * *

**So now you know what Bella was going through during those weeks and you got to see some couply E&B time ;-) Geez kids, get out of that studio.**

**You can find the pic of the Montblanc Greta Garbo special edition on my profile.**

**Well, there will be another chapter, the last one. Unless I go wordy on you and have to split it, who knows? I already started writing it, but I can't say when I'll post it, hopefully it won't be that long. All I can promise is that there will be another.**

**Also, I published a O/S for the Fic A Pic Contest (yeah I know, I know, me and pics). All entries are based on a single RPattz pic. Link to the pic in question is on my profile, so go check it out. It has been very interesting to see the different stories people come up with when they are given the same pic as inspiration.**

**Thanks for reading, sweeties :-)**


	4. Open Wounds

**Hello there, ladies. Still with me?**

**Once again sorry for taking so long to update. I lost my mojo at some point and when I got it back, I ended up writing like a maniac. Which is why this last chapter ended up being so long that I had to split it in two. So, this one will not be the last chapter of FM, the next one will.**

**As usual, many thanks to my beta Songster with her help in betaing my monster chapters. Really. One second I say I have nothing for her and the next one I send her over 20k words.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all its characters, I just have a little fun with them.**

**Ok, so let's do this ...**

O~o~O~FM~O~o~O

Ten days.

Ten days after that awful dinner and Emmett kept avoiding me like the plague. I'd left dozens of messages on his cellphone and at his office and all he did was send me one text back telling me that we'd see each other as soon as he could. Really? That was it? It was so frustrating and it only made me want to give him the ring back that much faster.

The only good thing about my days was, as usual, Edward. We kept going to the park, continuing with the routine that changed our lives, enjoying the few moments we could spend together during the day, even when we would only watch each other from afar. The little smiles, the winks he'd send my way and the stupid blush that Edward loved so much graced my skin more times that I could count.

It hadn't been easy though. Because of our situation, we couldn't hold hands or kiss out in the open, something that was killing us both, but it was necessary. We had a lot to worry about, but those moments took our minds away from everything and it allowed us to just … be.

We had not slept together after the day I left his studio, an understanding we came up with after I told him about that nightmare of a dinner. Edward also agreed that it seemed that Emmett knew more than he was letting on, and if our actions so far had been reckless and alerted him about what was happening between us, then we had to be more careful now.

Today, Friday, we had another dinner date at Esme's. I had hoped Emmett would go and, after it, we would actually talk, but once I got there, Esme informed me that he wasn't attending. He had an impromptu meeting just an hour before he was supposed to show up. This was getting beyond ridiculous.

The only good thing was that Edward was there and, even though Esme and Carlisle were present as well, we could at least talk a little more freely without Emmett being constantly making faces and sulking like a child. The dinner gave us the opportunity to talk without restraints about art and music, not only between Edward and me, but also with Esme and Carlisle.

Which in the end turned out to be not so good.

I was talking to Edward about a new piece I found at a museum the week before, it was a painting that was a central theme in one of the books I was working on. I loved the colors and perspective and when I told Edward about it, he all but jumped in excitement, talking about how it made him feel and what he thought the artist had intended with it.

"That's enough!" Esme yelled suddenly while Edward was talking to me about a painting similar to that one that could also help me.

We were all startled and turned to her. She looked furious standing there at the head of the dinner table. That was the most passion we'd seen in her in a long time, but her eyes also showed disappointment and resignation perhaps?

"Esme dear, calm down. What's wrong?" Carlisle pleaded with her.

"What's wrong? You really don't see what's _wrong_ here, Carlisle? Don't Bella and Edward's intertwined hands say _anything_ to you?" Her eyes focused on our hands.

We hadn't even noticed we'd been getting closer and closer during our conversation. This week we sat next to each other and it seemed that during dinner we got caught up in our own little bubble once again. It seemed the lack of physical contact was taking its toll.

Edward and I immediately broke apart, like we had been burned. I couldn't believe we had been holding hands for God knows how long in front of Esme and Carlisle. I was beyond mortified and scared for what this meant for everyone.

But this was it, this was the moment we had been waiting for to happen, dreading to happen. I had been too much of a coward to break things off with Emmett before meeting Edward and even after we started seeing each other, but now it was too late. Now, not only I had ruined my relationship with the Cullens but also Edward's relationship with them. I had been so selfish through it all, wanting Edward for myself.

"Mom, please calm down, this is not good for your health. You had been getting your strength only recently, please-" Edward was desperate to calm Esme.

"How Edward, how do you expect me to calm down in a situation like this? I've seen it coming and it's my damn fault I didn't act on it earlier." Esme shook her head in disappointment and sat down once again. She was not yelling now, but there were tears rolling down her cheeks.

Seeing a sweet and loving woman like Esme in pain broke my heart. To know that _I_ was the cause of it, that my cowardice in breaking things off with Emmett had caused her that much pain, was too much to bear. I had been such a fool; _we_ had been such fools. What were we expecting to happen once I broke things off with Emmett? That he would take it well and then I could pursue his brother freely? That the Cullens would never know of this or that they would take it as well as Emmett? I couldn't believe we had been so naive about it and now we were paying the price.

Seeing Carlisle comforting Esme, holding her while she slowly broke apart, gave me the determination I needed at that moment. I had been fucking procrastinating ever since that dinner date with the Cullens and Emmett last week. I had been trying to talk to Emmett, but had I taken real action to make him listen to me? No. Like a coward I had been waiting for him to make the first move. Well, no more.

I was going to make Emmett listen to me if it was the last thing I did.

I quickly stood up from the table, the chair making a sharp noise against the hardwood floor and then falling with a loud thud. The room had been so quiet, except for Esme's quiet crying, that the sound bounced off the walls making me cringe.

I was so out of it that I hadn't even noticed that Edward had been holding my hand in his under the table; so when I stood up, I almost lost my balance while he gripped me tightly.

All eyes in the room turned to me and even though it usually made me uncomfortable being the center of attention, at this moment I needed them to listen to me. I needed them to listen to what I had to say.

"Esme, Carlisle, there are no words that I can say at this moment that can lessen the blow you just took. I can only say that I'm deeply sorry for how things turned out and that it brought both of you such a pain and disappointment, but please know that this-" I gestured between Edward and me and he squeezed my hand softly, "-is not a one time thing and in the end I'm glad I found him. I never intended to cause any pain to anyone, but unfortunately this is how things came to be." My voice soft.

"Mom, Dad, what Bella is saying is the truth, we never intended on hurting anyone. I know Emmett and I have issues, but this is not something that happened intentionally to hurt him in any way. I can be honest and admit that the way we handled it was not the best. We should've waited until they were no longer together, but when we both started to feel the pull to each other, it was something that we _couldn't_ deny and had to see where it took us." By now Edward was standing next to me.

His hand felt hot against mine, his thumb moving in no specific pattern across my fingers. And there was a different kind of warmth there as well, not just a physical one, but one I could feel traveling down his body, making its way down to his hand and crossing to mine. I could almost see it running up my arm then, only to feel it going straight up to my chest and lay to rest on my heart. It felt overwhelming and just so … _full, _that it took my breath away, making me close my eyes for a moment. I could feel it gathering there on my chest, like a bubble ready to burst at any second, and for some reason I wasn't scared that it happened, in fact I wanted to see what would happen if it did. I was _ready_ to embrace it.

The second I did, the second the bubble burst, the warmth spread through the rest of my body at a heartbeat's pace. I felt it pulsing through my veins pouring down and reaching every corner of my body, warming me, empowering me, bringing me to life in such a way that you'd think I had been dead until that moment. It was filling me with … love.

I felt a few tears falling down my cheeks at this realization.

Edward _loved me_; he loved me enough to confront his family and everything he had ever known to be with me. I don't know how I had missed it up until that moment, or denied it most likely, but it had been so obvious to see in his eyes, his touches and actions. I didn't even know if it was something he had acknowledged yet, but it was in that moment and place, feeling his love fill my heart, that I realized I loved Edward as well and that I'd do anything and everything for him, just as he was doing for me at that moment.

When I opened my eyes, Edward was looking at me in concerned. Perhaps he thought I was upset about Esme, which I was, but at that moment I couldn't tell him that those were happy tears, that despite the shitty situation we were in at the moment, all I wanted to do was to kiss him and tell him that I loved him too.

I averted my eyes from his and turned my attention back to Esme and Carlisle. If I kept looking at those intense green eyes, eyes that I often get lost in, I'd tell him what I so desperately needed him to know. Esme had had enough with just us holding hands.

"I just can't believe you could've done this to Emmett, to us even. I've seen the pull you have to each other; you'd have to be blind not to. It was something I never saw between you and Emmett, but foolishly I thought that it would lessen or that you'd handle things _very_ differently. Bella, you made a commitment to Emmett. You said yes to marrying him and even though your feelings for him changed, he was the first person you should've gone to. Not Edward. Not me. Emmett. And you didn't, you both went behind our backs and acted in a way you both knew was wrong." Tears were streaming down her beautiful face, so much disappointment in her eyes.

"Cheating is cheating, even if it's with the person that makes you feel alive and full. You both crossed a line that never should've been crossed. Disappointment doesn't even cover what I'm feeling right now. Bella, you are like a daughter to us and Edward, you _are _our son. For years we suffered from your behavior and then your estrangement from us, but we tried to do our best because we thought it made you happy. We supported you even when it hurt us." Edward cringed with every word that came out of Esme's mouth his way.

From what I had seen the last few weeks, there were still issues to address between him and his parents. Things had been left unsaid for so long; it seemed like they didn't know how to utter them anymore. I guess this was the time.

"Sometimes you have to put the needs of the ones you love ahead of yours and both of you acted selfishly. _This_, I can't support; I can't support something that, while I can see it's right on some level, started in such a deceiving way." Esme stood up from the table and with Carlisle at her side; she slowly started to make her way to the entrance to the dining room.

"It's too late now though; all you can do is try to repair what can be repaired and resign yourselves to the fact that some things are broken forever." She wasn't looking at us.

"Mom, are _we_ broken beyond repair?" Edward asked her when she reached the entrance. His voice was so small, had it not been for the fact that we had all been quiet while Esme talked, she would've missed it. He sounded like a little boy at that moment and my heart broke even more as more tears made its way down my cheeks, now sad ones, thinking what this could mean to Edward and his parents.

Esme stopped there and without turning she said. "You're our son, Edward. We will love you no matter what; there is no doubt about it. But at this moment, I need to be alone. I need to think and try to understand what happens next. The family I thought I had apparently was never real. No one was." She whispered.

Both her and Carlisle left the room after that, leaving Edward and me standing by the dining room table, holding each other's hands.

I looked around the room and took notice of this beautiful table, the delicate china, a wedding gift for Esme and Carlisle, and the silverware that accompanied it. The remnants of the delicious meal we had been eating until a few moments ago were still on our plates and I could still smell the scents of the food in the air. Everything looked the same as it did every time we had been there eating with Esme and Carlisle, yet there was this intense feeling of loss in the air oppressing my chest. Was this my last time in their company? I wanted to commit everything to memory, not just the things that surrounded me, but the moments we had spent there, the talks, the jokes, the laughs. All gone now.

I turned to Edward and saw him gazing at the door, tears in his eyes, with such intensity, as if through force of will, he could make her appear to tell him all was forgotten or at least forgiven. I could feel his pain at Esme's words and at that moment there were no words to tell him that could make it better, not even telling him that I loved him, not after this.

So I just squeezed the hand that, through it all, hadn't let go of mine and brought the other one to his heart, while resting my head on his shoulder. It was the only way that I knew to tell him I was there for him and that I loved him at that moment without overwhelming him. I was in love with him and I wanted to make things better for all of us, for _him_ especially, but I couldn't mend his relationship with Esme, just as much as he couldn't fix mine with Emmett. It was something that we both had to do on our own.

We stood there for God knows how long, unable to do or say anything else. Finally, I felt his other hand on top of the one I had been lying on his chest. When I looked up he looked so tired and drained with a small smile gracing his lips, even though it was insincere. Without a word, we grabbed our things and left his parents apartment, Edward lingering for a moment by the front door before closing it behind him.

We didn't say a single word on our way to his studio. He didn't need to ask if I'd go; we both needed to be together. When we reached it, I took him to his bed and slowly undressed him, kissing his skin whenever I uncovered it; he needed to be taken care of that night and I needed to be the one doing it. After taking off my own clothes, we climbed into bed and I held him close to me all through the night. We didn't make love and at that moment, I didn't care that we had agreed to restrain our physical contact; we just needed to feel.

That night I only wanted to hold him. To feel his skin against mine and his hot breath across my chest while he rested his head close to my heart. To run my hands through his hair, soothing him. I wanted to make him feel comforted and loved like he always made me feel. I wanted to erase the pain that every tear that rolled down his face brought, for his pain was now mine as well. So I kissed them away one by one and repeated words of comfort, as he did the tears that I didn't realize were falling down my own.

Even with the confrontation with Esme, that night brought true completeness to what Edward and I had been feeling up until that point. We were truly one, not just in the physical way we had been in that same bed days ago, but we were truly one in heart and soul, sharing not only our joys, but also our pain.

I stared at the ceiling after he fell asleep holding him tight to me, thinking about Esme's words. They cut deep but she told the truth that Edward and I had been avoiding, closing our eyes to. She was right, we needed to mend what we could and resign to the fact that some things were just no meant to be fixed.

And me and Emmett were in the latter group. Tomorrow I'd go face Emmett, if not for me, for Edward. He didn't deserve to be with a woman who was taken in the eyes of the world. He deserved to be happy, to freely be the playful man I saw inside these doors. He deserved to loved and be loved freely, without restraints.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow, I would break from the biggest thing that couldn't be mended in my life.

O~o~O~FM~O~o~O

I woke up the next morning to the feel of little kisses across my back. Somehow during the night, Edward ended up behind me and I was now flat on my stomach resting my head on _his_ pillow. Couldn't even begin to know how that happened.

His pillow smelled amazing though, the scents of paint, peppermint and soap and something that I determined was pure Edward. I wanted to stay there forever, but as my brain started to wake up, the events of the night before started to flood my mind and the pain of it all came back with a force.

I turned on the bed until I was facing him. He was smiling, but it was off, unnatural. And his eyes, God his eyes, they were just so sad, almost to the point of tears. I wanted to talk to him then, to know how he felt and how I could help him, but they told me that he wasn't ready for that conversation yet.

"Thank you for coming here last night; I know we said we wouldn't-" He began to say, but I cut him off placing a hand to his mouth.

"You don't have to say anything else, Edward. You needed me there with you and there was no question about it. You never have to ask." He only nodded and settled beside me.

Even with the night's sleep, he looked so tired. There were more issues plaguing his mind than the outing of our relationship to his parents. We both knew there was a big talk due between them. Years worth of talk. Esme had been so sad and hurt when she talked about those years apart, years that started even before Edward went to Italy, but knowing she was hurt and hearing her confirm it, were two different things and that cut right into Edward's heart. He could barely stand hurting them.

I settled myself closer to him with my head resting on his heart. I just loved hearing his heart beat against my ear and to feel the rise and fall of his chest when he breathed. It was so soothing, even when he started talking, the sound of his voice resonating through his ribcage sending little waves through my body.

"I'm here for you, whatever you need. Even if it's just staying like this, in silence for hours." I said into his chest.

"Thank you." That was all he said for several minutes while he brought me closer to him.

It made me want to cry seeing him like that, so far away from the world, running all the events of the night before in his mind, hell, the events since before he left the country. He was getting inside his head, trying to find the moment where it all went to hell, trying to make sense of it all.

In the end, there was no moment like that. It was a string of moments and words that led to the breaking of his relationship with his family and he only had half the story. He had to hear what happened to his parents during that time, what they were thinking, feeling and even suffering, just as much as they had to hear his side.

"I always knew my leaving had hurt them deeply, you know? But I thought they would be alright, they had Emmett and their own lives and I called them here and there. Aren't kids supposed to leave the nest at some point in their lives? I thought that's what I was doing, leaving the nest to reach my full potential out in the world, because I so arrogantly thought they were holding me back. When in reality I was running, like the fucking coward I was, running away from the people that had the power to really heal me." Edward broke the silence, looking at the ceiling.

"You thought they were happy with your choices. They also held back on things, Edward. They didn't say what they were thinking and feeling because they thought it was the best thing to do. And you didn't tell them that, in reality, you really wanted them to tell you to come back home. You had been ready to come back for a long time before now."

"How do you know that?" When he turned his face from the ceiling to look at me, shock was the predominant emotion on it, but also amazement.

"Because of what you'd told me of your time there and from what I've seen in your face when you look at your parents. You were happy in Italy from what I've gathered, but you were also desperately wanting to come back home to them."

Edward stared at me for a long time after I said that. His eyes so intense holding mine, that for a second I thought he was going to say he loved me right there.

"You truly are amazing, you know that? Another proof that you really _see me_." He sighed and run a hand through his hair, breaking his stare once again to look at the ceiling. "I was scared, scared that they'd tell me that I was better off there in Italy. That they gave up on me and my stupid behavior. I couldn't face that rejection from them, even though I completely deserved it for how I left things with them."

"They never would've said that. They still haven't and you've been here for some time now. But you do need to talk to them, you need to clear the air, tell them what you just told me and you need to hear their side of the story as well. I know it will be harder now that they found out about us, but like Esme said, they will always love you."

After that we both fell silent, just going back inside our heads, running things over. We would talk about it when we were ready again.

"So, are you gonna make me some of that amazing French toast I had last time I was here? Because, really Edward, if painting doesn't pay off, you got a future in French toast making." I teased him. And I was right, they were amazing.

"Really, Miss Swan? Well, I guess we do need to get out of this bed at some point. Why don't you go get your pretty little ass in the shower while I make some?"

Edward leaned down and kissed my nose, but I'd have none of that, I'd been craving those lips for far too long as it is, so I moved one hand to the back of his head and brought his mouth to mine. Yes, better than I remembered them.

The kiss was soft and slow, the both of us reconnecting once again with each other, just letting go of all the worries of the last twelve hours and enjoying the moment. There was no one else in the world, no fiancés to face, no parents to talk to … just us.

We broke apart with sweet little kisses all over our faces, laughing like idiots and got out of bed to go about the new day. Edward lend me a shirt and some sweatpants, since all I had with me were the clothes I wore yesterday at dinner, I just had to wear them without any underwear. Edward wasn't opposed to that.

After the shower and while I was having breakfast, Edward took his turn in the bathroom and to change, leaving me there. I took the opportunity to wander around the studio in the meantime, I always loved seeing his work and from the looks of it, he had been working full time in the past few days. There were a lot of new paintings and drawings. Some small pieces, others big canvases. Some completed, others on their way. Some full of colors, showing some amazing movement, and others black and white, showing great detail.

He had been inspired.

"You did this, you know?" I felt his arms encircle my waist and his head rest on top of mine. I hadn't even noticed he was back in the room.

"You are the inspiration for all this. Every second I'm not with you at the park or at my parents, I'm here working on these. I have to get the images and colors out of my head. I haven't worked like this in years and even then, I was mostly high and barely coherent to understand what I was doing, much less enjoy it." He brought his mouth to my neck and kissed it, then moving to rest his head on my shoulder, enjoying the painting that was in front of us. A piece that was nothing short of breathtaking.

He had painted _our park_.

At first glance, you couldn't tell it was even a park, but the combination of colors and shapes told me otherwise. The different shades of green were amazing; greens I didn't even know existed were all there dancing in front of me, melting into the forest, moving with the wind. He had even painted our very own trees at the front of it, with some dark figures under them that I figured were meant to be us. Their branches were reaching to each other across the distance, weaving their limbs to form a single figure, a single entity. They would be no longer separated; they were one.

And the sky … my God, the sky. He had clearly painted it when the sun was setting, for it was full of oranges, yellows and reds. On fire. All running in their own path across the sky and then intertwining to create new colors, new colors that ended where the two figures were resting under the trees. I was mesmerized to see all these colors and shapes moving in the canvas, giving it life.

Looking at the brush strokes, I could even picture Edward when he had made them, the movement of his hand, his posture. I gasped when I realized what he had truly painted there.

He had painted the day when we had made love.

All the colors in the sky were the same that covered us in his studio that day, illuminating our skin and showing the end of something and a new beginning for us. And the new colors from the sky that ended with the two figures, were a promise of what was to come. Something completely new, completely us. Together, we'd be creating new colors _together_.

I turned to him and saw that he looked nervous and even a little embarrassed.

"Do you like it? It's for you." His hands were shaking when he brushed a piece of hair out of my forehead.

How could he be so nervous? What he painted there was us. Our meeting, our coming together, our future.

"Edward, I- I love it." _I love you_. "It's amazing what you did there; I'm truly speechless."

He visibly relaxed and kissed me, kissed me in a way he had never done until then, free of worries, full of love. Maybe it was the emotions running through my heart at seeing the painting and the fact that I had realized we loved each other not only twelve hours ago, but that kiss, just like the painting, told me he loved me. And I kissed him back just as fiercely.

"Good. It still needs some touches here and there, but when it's done, it's yours." He said, breaking the kiss while running his nose up and down my cheek.

I wanted to tell him I love him right then, but was the time to do it yet? He looked happy at the moment, but was it fair to tell him while I wasn't officially free? Should I wait until I broke things off with Emmett first?

"Ok, let's go have a walk and then some lunch. I know you're worried about people seeing us together, but we can walk a few feet apart and-" I interrupted him with a little kiss to his lips.

"No, it sounds great. Let's go." And just like that the window closed. If I was this confused about the moment I should tell him I loved him, then it probably wasn't the right moment.

I was worried about people seeing us, but I just couldn't care at that moment. They couldn't break our connection and after this night everyone would know and judge us anyway. I just wanted to be with him for as long as I could today, before facing Emmett.

We gathered our things and headed outside, where the sun was shining brightly, warming our skin.

We walked for a while, just talking and laughing at some of the things we saw. Browsing through some stores, even buying some things, before heading to have lunch at this little diner close to Edward's neighborhood that made this incredible sandwich, so spicy that it could clear your sinuses. According to the owner. And yes, it was really spicy and I'd be trying that theory on Edward one day.

"So, I'm going to talk to Emmett tonight." I blurted and chose that moment to take a sip of my drink.

"Ok, I'm going with you then."

"What? No, Edward. No way, are you crazy? I need to do this alone. If you go there, he'll go crazy and won't listen to anything we have to say. No, this is my fight to face."

"I know," he sighed. "It's just I know he'll be angry and I don't want you to face him alone. He can be very difficult and fucking stubborn and I've been on the other end of his anger. I know how he can get."

"I know, but he's never been like that to me. I think to a certain degree it will be a relief to him to end this. He'll be free to pursue someone else who fits into his world." I took his hand to let him know that I'd be fine.

"Ok, just- call me or come to the studio when it's over. I want to be sure you're alright." He was pleading by now. He truly looked distressed by this.

"Yes, I promise I will, but really, don't worry; Emmett may be acting strange now, but he'd never hurt me."

After lunch, it was time for me to go back to my place. I needed to change clothes and just prepare for tonight.

Once again, it was hard to say goodbye to Edward, but things would be different after tonight; I'd make sure of it.

In the cab, I thought about the last day. Dinner last night had been awful, but something that had to happen at some point. We'd just been closing our eyes to that fact. But now it was here, the moment of truth was finally here and it was damn time we owned to our mistakes.

Then this morning was incredible, even with Edward feeling awful about the situation with his parents. We were able to talk about it a little more freely, setting the basis for what the future held for us, one where we were truly open to each other, no subject a off limits.

And even though I told Edward things with Emmett would end fairly fine and not to worry about it, I just couldn't shake the feeling that this morning with Edward had been the calm before the storm.

O~o~O~FM~O~o~O

As I approached Emmett's place, I checked my purse to see if the ring was still there. It was the physical manifestation of what we used to have and the only thing that would prove once and for all that we were truly over. It had to go today.

When I got home from Edward's studio, I had to think of a plan of action. I thought about calling Emmett first, but he would avoid me and give some excuse to get out of it. So I realized that I had to just show up at his apartment and let myself in. We had exchanged keys a while back, but never got to use them. That was another clue showing our lie of a relationship. We had exchanged them because we felt it was time, a necessary step, but not because we were really ready to let the other one in to every aspect of our lives.

"Good evening, Garrett. Is Emmett in his apartment?" I asked Garrett, the guy working the night shift at the front desk.

"Good evening, Miss Swan. Actually he's not there at the moment, but you're welcome to go upstairs and wait for him." He said with a smile.

"Thanks. I want to give him a surprise, so could you please not tell him I'm upstairs when he gets here?" I knew I was being deceiving, but I couldn't take any more chances with Emmett.

"Sure thing, Miss Swan. I'm sure he'll love it."

When I entered his apartment, memories of the last time I was there came back to me. It still felt cold and lifeless, but it was also the place where the last push had been given for me to go to Edward.

I made my way to the couch and waited for him there. How would this go? Good? Bad? I was sure he wouldn't be happy about it, but from what I'd been seeing the last few days I knew he must've sensed _something_ changing. It was almost impossible for me to be the only one feeling this way.

My biggest concern though, was what this would do to the already torn relationship Edward had with Emmett. This would drive them over the edge and they might never come back again from it. As a result of dinner last night, the situation was looking very difficult, but there was so much love between Edward and his parents. I needed to believe that they would be fine, someday at least. But Emmett? That was another story right there. Their animosity had been pulsating for years, with little possibility of it getting better.

I often wondered what had truly happened there.

I was startled at the sound of keys on the door and the voice of Emmett.

"Yeah, Rosie. Don't worry, I'll be there soon. I'm just getting home to change clothes and then head-" He stopped talking when he saw me standing by the couch.

Rosie? What the hell?

"Ok, I'm gonna have to call you back later. Bye." He hung up and started to put his things on the table by the door. He had been surprised when he saw me there, but now his face said nothing at all. It was scary how he could change like that.

"Bella." He said while removing his jacket and loosening his tie. "To what do I owe the pleasure of your company in my place?"

"Emmett. Well, I had been trying to talk to you for days now and you're always so busy, so I thought I go ahead and use my key to let myself in and wait for you." I was seriously pissed at him.

He said nothing for a few moments, heading to the window, almost as if I wasn't even there. That pissed me off even more.

"Well, now you have me. Want to talk? Talk then but make it fast, I'm heading out."

"Oh yeah, I gathered that much. _Rosie_ was it?"

That got a reaction out of him. He turned to me and the look on his face was so angry and frightening. His eyes dark and his hands in fists by his side. I had never seen him like this. Ever. But at the same time, I was glad I got to see this; I was glad to see _anything_ from him.

"Don't talk about her, Bella." He said through gritted teeth. It was a warning.

"Wow, that's great Emmett. You're defending another woman from your fiancée? That's absolutely priceless." I knew I was pushing it and I should've been more careful with him like this, but everything had been bottling up for days, months even.

I knew I was being a hypocrite about this; I had cheated on him with Edward, his _brother_. But I had been feeling so guilty about hurting him and his family and now here he was, with a girl, _Rosie_, for God knows how long.

"Well, you haven't exactly been acting like a devoted _fiancée_ for a while now, have you?" He smiled at this.

I stared at him for a few moments. He knew. How much and how exactly, I didn't know but what I'd been suspecting for the last week was true. Emmett knew about me and Edward and he had done nothing to out us. Why? I could deny it and act offended, but it was pointless now, it would only make things worse.

"How?"

"You truly think I'm that stupid Bella? Give me a break, please." He moved to the bar close to the window and started pouring himself a drink. "I work with businessmen every single day. I know how to read them; I know how to read a lie."

"Since when then?" I had to have some answers, I had to know what was really going on.

"I had been watching you with _him_ for months now. I had seen how the both of you acted during the dinners. It was disgusting, Bella." He looked disgusted and couldn't even say Edward's name.

We had been so stupid. We hadn't been fooling anyone, just ourselves. It seemed that everyone had either been waiting for us to end it or for us to what?

"At first I thought it was just the novelty. The broken artist coming home after years in Italy, you have to admit it's a good story." He laughed without humor. By now he was on his second drink.

"You've never met him before and of course it was a mystery to you. But in time I saw that there was more to it, more than the novelty. It was as if you knew each other from before and beyond my parents dinners.

"It all fell into place one night when you two were talking about a painting or some crap like that and mentioned an anecdote that had happened at some park. It was like an inside joke or something and it made no sense, since as far as I knew, you've only been seeing him at the apartment."

And once again the comfortable feeling we got at being around each other was what doomed us.

"So the next day I decided to make a surprise visit to my fiancée and take her to dinner, but just as I was getting to your building, I saw you leave. And what looked rather strange was that you were carrying a blanket and a book, so I decided to follow you and see where exactly my lovely Bella was heading. And what do you think I saw?"

I gasped when he said that. He had followed me to the park and had seen me there with Edward. We hadn't done anything inappropriate in public, but the fact that we were both there and I had neglected to tell Emmett about it was more than enough to create suspicions and God knew what kind of scenarios in his head.

"Exactly. You and my dear brother sitting there at the park. A lovely view actually, very peaceful. So I hired someone to do the following and see what other activities were you two were engaging in."

"Why didn't you say anything before now? Why didn't you break things off with me weeks ago?" I was yelling now; I couldn't understand his behavior. Anyone would've ended things.

"Edward." He all but spat his name.

"I knew you were committed to our relationship and wouldn't break things off with me for something like that. And I have to admit that I was looking forward to seeing how you'd handle Edward when you broke things off."

He wanted me to hurt Edward? That was why he didn't say anything sooner? He wanted to see how I'd crush Edward's heart. Who was this man in front of me? This _stranger _I had been planning on marrying? I realized then that there had never been truly a chance for him and Edward to get along. He _loathed_ Edward.

"But all that changed the night you spent at his studio. I foolishly felt bad for leaving you here at my place alone, so I came back so we could spend some time together. I saw you getting into a cab and I when I saw that it was going to the opposite direction of your place-" He closed his eyes and gripped his glass so hard, I was afraid he'd break it.

"I didn't want to believe that you were going to him, I truly didn't, but when I saw you pulling up there. I all but lost it." He threw the glass to the wall. Pieces flying all over the place, his golden drink staining the white wall. It seemed the only time when his place would ever have some color in it was when he had shown some kind of emotion.

I flinched and moved closer to the door. He was scaring me but I couldn't leave until we ended all of this.

I wanted to say I was sorry, and I truly was for how things came to happen, but I felt it would only make things worse right now. He was too angry and telling him that I loved Edward would only drive him more insane.

"What about this woman? Rosie?" I had to know.

He smiled a little at the mention of her name.

"A colleague I work with. We have known each other for years but only stayed friends. But for the last couple of months we have become closer and closer as you and I drifted apart." He ran his hand through his hair, a way of calming himself. Much like Edward did.

"Nothing happened for weeks, just hanging out. I didn't think you'd mind that much and we truly weren't doing anything wrong. Until that night I saw you at Edward's studio. I went to see her and talked to her about what was going on with us and she listened intently." He had been getting closer to me by then.

It hurt to hear that he had trusted this woman much more than he did me. He had talked to her about us, what he was going through. But in the end, as much as I wanted, I couldn't be mad at him, not really. I had done the same with Edward, I had trusted him more than I ever did Emmett. It seemed that we had both been living this double life.

"What happened to us, Bella? What went wrong?" He had me backed down to the wall. I could smell his liquored breath on my face. I wanted to turn, but in his state, that was not a good idea.

"We drifted apart, Emmett. We were never meant to be. We should've realized that from the start and in a way, I guess we did. I mean, we both looked for comfort outside of our relationship." I moved my hands to cup his cheeks.

"But we can make it back again, Bella. I know we can." He was desperate, holding my wrists.

"No we can't, Emmett. And is that what you want? You trust this other woman and you seem happy with her. Do you really want to give _us_ a try when there truly is nothing there?"

"Nothing? Nothing? Is that what I was for you?" He became enraged by what I said and his hold on my wrist was bordering on painful.

"That's not what I said, Emmett. I meant-" I felt his lips on mine, kissing me painfully and desperately. He was trying to convince himself that we were meant to be when it was clear even to him that wasn't the case.

"You're mine, Bella, mine. I got to you first. I did and I'll be damned if I let Edward get what's mine."

What? He wasn't upset about losing me, but more to losing me to _Edward_? Why did he hate him so much?

He pushed me to the wall, my arms close to his chest. I could feel his body pressing on me, his mouth close to my ear. I started to feel claustrophobic and desperately wanting to get out. My eyes started to sting from the tears that were threatening to fall.

"Does he make you feel like this?" He pushed me harder to the wall.

"We were good, Bella, we could be again. You let go of Edward and I let go of Rose. We could call this cold feet for the wedding and no one has to know." He was running his nose on my cheek and the smell of alcohol made me feel nauseous.

"Get the fuck off of me, Emmett!" I moved against him, trying to push him away. This had gone too far, but he was so damn strong and my wrists were hurting. "You're hurting me."

That made him come back to reality. It was like he didn't even know what he was doing, but I didn't care at that moment, I just wanted him far away.

He let me go and backed down quickly to the window. He looked embarrassed and regretful, but a second later, his mask was on.

Tears were finally falling down my face as I rubbed my wrists. They were so red and I was sure they'd be bruised in the morning. I was scared and angry but also determined. For a moment earlier, I had considered the possibility of us maybe staying friends, but after this, I couldn't even stand being in the same room as him.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Is that how you see me? Something to use to hurt Edward? Do you know how sick is that? I'm not a fucking thing." I went to retrieve my bag and got the ring out.

"Here. We're done." I threw the ring at his feet. Once again, not the best thing to do to an angry man, but I was so mad at him and all I wanted was to get the hell out of there.

"Great, go then, Bella. Go run to your precious Edward. You're now free to fuck him without remorse." He didn't even turned from the window.

There was nothing I could've said to that, so I turned and made my way out.

As I ran outside the building, I couldn't believe what had just happened. It was over, finally over and instead of feeling happy or even relieved, all I felt was hurt. Hurt that things had ended this way for the both of us. Hurt at the realization that Edward and Emmett's relationship was over with no resolution in sight. And as I recalled the night before, hurt for Esme and Carlisle.

I even hurt for myself.

I got into a cab and without thinking I gave the driver the address to Edward's studio. If there was a moment in which I needed him, it was this. And after he heard what happened, I knew he'd need me as well.

The closer I got to his place, the easier I was able to breathe. I could finally take a full breath and I was looking forward to spend the rest of the night in Edward's arms, trying to forget the last few hours.

I was so naive thinking this was it and the night was over.

* * *

**Now everything is out in the open for these two kids...yeah, good luck with that. LOL.**

**Also, it's official. I'm the worst chapter breaker ever. I always seem to leave them kinda open. Sorry, they just turned out that way.**

**Like I said, there is one more chapter, which is already done, it just needs some editing. I'll post it as soon as I can. Hopefully FFn is not an ass again.**

**Once again, thanks for reading :-)**


	5. Endless Possibilities

**Hello, sweet ladies :-)**

**Oh, what's this? A new update in less than a month? Shocking! Well, like I said before, this was already written, it just needed some prettied up ;-)**

**Even though I can't say it enough, many thanks to my beta Songster with her help in betaing the monsters chapters I send her way. How is she not flouncing me, amazes me.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all its characters, I just have a little fun with them.**

**So, this is it. The last chapter of this story. Let's see what becomes of these kids ...**

O~o~O~FM~O~o~O

I knocked and knocked on Edward's door, praying he'd open soon. I needed to feel his touch, his warmth after the fight with Emmett. After a few moments, he opened it and upon noticing the state I was in, his face turned so concerned that it made me wish I had taken a little more time to pull myself together before heading to his studio.

Still, my craving for him and the comfort I needed was stronger, so a second later I threw myself into his arms. The relief was instant.

"Bella? Did something bad happen? Why are you crying like this?" He was frantic, holding me to him.

I couldn't speak; I only wanted to feel and lose myself in him. Forget the world around me and everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours, go back to the last time we had been in his bed.

He led me to his couch and held me tight, moving his hands up and down my back, whispering calming words to sooth me.

"Shhh, baby. Just calm down and breathe. Breathe."

I wanted to tell him everything that had happened and at the same time, I didn't. Things with his brother would change the moment he knew how Emmett had reacted and I didn't want to add more to his pain.

"Please baby, you're scaring me. Talk to me." His tone was desperate as he let his lips kiss my tears away.

I looked up at him and through my tears I saw his own trying to make their way down his cheeks. I was scaring him and hurting him anyway.

"The talk with Emmett . . . it's over." I placed my hands on his cheeks, trying to dry his tears with them and with my words.

However, the look he gave me was not one of relief, but of sadness.

"Do you regret breaking things off with him?" He whispered and looked so vulnerable, almost childlike, that it broke my heart. I was the one making him look like that. He thought I was sad for ending things with Emmett; he thought I had changed my mind about us. Was that the reason he'd wanted to come with me?

"No!" I shook my face. "Of course I don't. It's what I've been waiting for … for so long. What _we've_ been waiting for."

"Then why are you shaking like this?" He looked confused. "Did something hap-" He said while bringing my hands to his lips and that was when he saw them.

The bruises on my wrists.

"What's this?" He was barely holding it together and I regretted not covering them in the first place, at least until I explained what had happened.

"Some bruising, nothing much, but let me explain." I brought my hands closer to me, out of his hold, since seeing them like that was only making it worse. Understanding that it was for the best, he let them fall.

Edward stood up and started pacing back and forth in front of me, gripping his hair and muttering under his breath. He was livid and I feared for what he would do now. I _had _to calm him down.

"Edward, please. Calm down. It's just a little bruising, nothing bad happened. I'm here, safe and sound, aren't I?"

I stood up in front of him, stopping his pacing, and grabbed his shaking hands in between mine while stroking his knuckles. As usual, my presence and touch seemed to calm him and ground him, as his often did to me. Bringing our foreheads together, his breathing started to slow down and he was finally calm enough to talk.

"I just feel so helpless now, Bella. Safe and sound? Safe and sound would mean you _not_ having black and blue wrists right now. I should've pushed to go with you harder; I should've been there with you." He was torturing himself for something he had no control of.

"No, you shouldn't have. I told you before, Edward. I had to do this on my own and now it's over between the two of us. You going there would've made things worse."

"I just can't stand the thought of someone hurting you in any way. Fuck, someone touching you makes me go crazy, but doing this?" He lifted my hands higher to show his point. "This makes me crazier than I've ever been, Bella. And to know that is was my brother, I-"," he said frustrated, now rubbing my wrists lightly, careful not to hurt them even more.

"I know, baby, I know." And I loved him for it.

He was not only worried about me; he was also feeling torn between being mad at Emmett for what he did to me, even when Edward didn't know exactly what had happened; and feeling guilty for causing Emmett such great pain.

A loud knock on the door broke our moment.

"Open up, Edward! Open this damn door up!"

Emmett.

"Edward? Please don't open it; he sounds drunk and mad. Please."

"I have to, Bella. Don't worry, everything will be alright. Go into my bedroom and stay there." He urged me, making his way to the door.

"No! Enough hiding. I will not hide from anyone anymore. We're in this _together_." I grabbed him firmly. I would not leave him alone.

He looked at me for a few seconds, reading my face, searching for the truth of my words. "Ok then, together." He smiled, squeezing my hand and headed to the door.

When he opened it, an angry Emmett stormed into the studio his bulk looming as he pulled back his arm, and punched Edward in the face, making me lose my hold on his hand and stumble back.

"Edward!"

Emmett stood there and turned to me, having just noticed that I was there.

"Bella. How lovely to see you, twice in a day. I see you came here to _fuck _Edward. I shouldn't be surprised really, not after our talk today."

Edward got to his feet and came fast to stand between me and Emmett, protecting me from him. Emmett looked so angry at seeing Edward's protective stance.

"You do not talk to her like that, Emmett. You have no idea the kind of restraint it's taking me not to knock you on your ass right now for leaving those marks on her wrists." His voice was low and by the way his hands were shaking, you could tell it really was a feat for him to keep it together.

Emmett moved his eyes to mine for the briefest moment, looking regretful, but it only showed for a second.

"I can talk to her the way I want to. She was _mine_ before she found you." He was trying to taunt Edward. It was working.

"She was _with_ you, you asshole; she wasn't yours."

Emmett's smile dropped at this.

"Why the fuck are you doing this, Edward? Why are you taking what's mine? Wasn't it enough to be the golden boy?"

"What the hell are you talking about, Emmett? I never took anything from you. Bella was free to choose the man she wanted to be with. I'm sorry things happened this way, but I truly never meant to hurt you like this." Edward looked pleadingly at Emmett; he needed him to understand that this wasn't an attack on him.

"And what do you mean _golden boy_? I was never a golden boy, if anything, I was Mom and Dad's biggest mistake. I was a screw up that only broke their hearts and made their lives impossible. If anyone here deserves some credit, it's you, Emmett. You were the one that held them together when I left; even before then, you were the one that stood by them when I was at my worst and consumed by drugs ... I'm so thankful for your presence in their lives."

Emmett looked a little taken aback at Edward's words. No one had expected them, not even Edward himself. Emmett's face showed his inner struggle at hearing these words; he seemed to feel that Edward was being truthful about them, but at the same time he was trying to hold his anger at bay.

"That may be, but the moment you got back into town, they forgot all about the crap you put them through. The prodigal son returns home. What a joke."

Emmett charged once again toward us and Edward pushed me to the side to move me out of the way. They fell to the floor in front of the couch, pushing and yelling at each other with harsh words.

"Why didn't you just stay there in Italy?"

"Mom needed me back."

"We needed you to stay here in the first place!"

"I had to leave."

"No! You left because you are a pretentious coward and I was the one picking up the pieces after you left."

"I made mistakes, but I'm here to make them better."

"No, you're here to steal everything that's in my life now and to ruin our family once again and I won't let you." And they started to punch each other.

I could barely understand what was going on, all I could see were arms and legs kicking and pushing and pulling, clothes being torn. Besides my own crying and begging them to stop, the sounds of punches connecting, grunts and things hitting the floor were the only sounds you could hear around the room.

It was surreal.

"Stop it, you two! You need to stop." I went ahead and tried to separate them, but it turned out to be a bad move.

The moment I got close to them, Emmett made a move to punch Edward in the stomach, but at the last moment he moved and Emmett's fist hit me on my shoulder, making me stumble back and fall to the floor in pain.

I looked up and saw that they had both stopped and were looking at me with shock on their faces. Emmett's face turned remorseful and Edward's enraged.

He turned to Emmett and grabbing him by his shirt, he started hitting him with his fists.

"You do not touch her ever again, do you hear me?" He yelled, punctuating each word with a punch and Emmett did nothing to stop him.

But I had to stop him, he was on his way to do something that he'd regret for the rest of his life and then I'd lose him forever. He'd lose himself. I couldn't let that happen.

"Edward stop, please stop!" I got up from the floor to reach them.

"You don't hurt her or even think about her. You do not touch the woman I love, you hear?" He yelled.

And we all stopped. Edward stopped hitting Emmett. Emmett just stared at him with a shocked face and I stopped breathing.

Edward had said he loved me?

He turned his face to look at me and then I knew he had really said the words.

He looked wild standing over Emmett, his hair and clothes disheveled and his breathing hard. But the moment we locked eyes, we knew.

His eyes still had some burning intensity from fighting with Emmett, but it was fading fast and replaced with, well … love. They showed such certainty, like the fact that he loved me was the only truth in the world. He didn't say them because he got carried away in the moment, he said them because he just … did love me. Simple as that.

Everything clicked, even stronger now than that time at dinner when I felt he loved me and I realized my own feelings. The air was buzzing with electricity and all the pain in my shoulder disappeared; the world disappeared. All I wanted to do was to run to him, put my arms around his neck, bringing him close to me, and tell him that I felt the same way.

But the moment I heard Emmett speak, I knew that would have to wait.

"You _love_ her?"

Edward released and dropped him to the floor. He never took his eyes away from me.

"Yes, I love her."

I wanted to cry, to laugh, to yell. Feeling every emotion at once, I was overwhelmed and absolutely at peace at the same time.

"I never knew," Emmett whispered, shaking his head. "I thought it was you being the asshole you were all those years ago, doing crap to push my buttons. But love, Edward? Love? Even that, you get in the end."

"What the hell are you talking about, Emmett?" Edward turned to him for the first time.

"Everything Edward, everything! For years I had to watch how you were the free spirited son that got his way with everything. Well, newsflash, people grow the hell up. They go to college and get jobs and move on with their lives."

"But that was not the life for me. I had to go down my own path." Edward stood next to me, only our arms were touching, but that made me feel grounded.

"Oh yes, the _artist_ path. That's the road of people that don't know what they want and are too lazy to find out. It was easy because of our money, but what if that hadn't existed? Huh?" Emmett started pacing back and forth.

"What the hell are you saying? That I really didn't want this? Can't you see that it's my passion? My life?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. And in the meantime, we were the ones having to witness how you got so high that you probably don't even remember half the crap you did to mom and dad. That you thought you were better than us and told us to fuck off. Do you have any idea how hard it was on mom? For months she stayed up late at night, crying because she worried you'd end up dead in a ditch somewhere or overdose in a crappy room."

Edward took a step back at Emmett's words, like he had physically hurt him.

"Yes, you were out there making it on your own, but I was the one here with them, consoling mom. And then you show up again and they forget everything that happened. Well, I'm not gonna be played for a fool anymore."

I remembered Esme's eyes the first time I met her. She was a beautiful woman, but there was a missing piece in her look. The moment Edward came back, she got that piece back.

"Emmett." Edward took a breath. "I see what you're saying, and I'm truly embarrassed by it, but do you really think it was easy for me as well? I had been battling my inner demons for years and I was weak and caved in to the drugs. I can't blame my behavior only on that fact, because _I_ made the choice, but it sure didn't help it.

"For years I'd been afraid that I was letting them down, all of you down, that I was the one they wished they didn't have. I looked up to you, saw everything I wanted to be in the future, but it just didn't fit with me in the end. It didn't.

"Well, have you ever thought that maybe I needed my brother as well? I had been the one carrying this family for years, Edward. Me, not you and your free spirit! Did you ever think that maybe I didn't want that? That maybe I wanted something else but had to put that on the back burner to fix the mess you were making?

"You not only left _them_, Edward. You turned your back on _all_ of us as well and now with Bella I thought that maybe I had something you didn't have ... maybe something I _could_ have. I see how wrong I had been."

Edward and I were looking at Emmett like he had grown two heads. But for Edward the surprise and the guilt was worse, since he was the cause for much of Emmett's pain. God, how would I save him from this?

This had been the most any of them had said in all the months Edward had been in the country and pretty much the most I had heard from Emmett about his feelings. Ever. Their entire family had been hiding what they really felt in order to keep the rest happy, when in reality, none of them were.

Emmett was tired, tired of carrying too much weight that he didn't have to, taking the role of protective son. But even that role he took for granted in the end. He barely visited his parents on his own now; and he blamed it all on Edward for years.

And Edward had been too much inside his own head and battling his own fights to realize what was happening.

"We both had been living with an image of each other that is not real and in the process, I lost my big brother."

Emmett's breathing was fast and hard, he looked like he was going to pass out at any second, and the fact that he looked like shit after the fight, didn't help.

"God, what is happening? I need to get out of here."

He turned around and headed limping to the door, his face and shirt stained with blood. He left without another word.

I turned to look at Edward and found him sitting on the couch, his head falling forward.

"I can't believe this shit," he murmured.

I approached him slowly, clutching my arm to my body, and sat next to him. His hands were in his lap and it was then that I noticed they were bloodied.

"You need to get these cleaned." I held one carefully.

"It's nothing."

"Edward, look at me," I pressed.

God, listening all of this from Emmett and also saying he loved me? I needed to give him something to alleviate the pain.

He turned his face to me. It was red with the punches Emmett had gotten away with and his upper lip was bleeding a little. There would be bruises covering his cheeks tomorrow, but what hurt me the most was the way he was looking at me. He was hurt for Emmett and his family and all he had put them through.

My beautiful and broken boy.

"I love you." And that was it. Nothing more to say to reassure him that I was with him in this, that I was feeling the same as he was.

I knew it had worked, for I could see him relaxing and coming alive once again. He smiled so brightly; it was a smile that I haven't seen in a while. I had missed it.

"Say it again." He was close to my mouth.

"I love you, Edward Cullen. Forever and ever." I smiled back and he kissed me, hugging me close to him.

Until we both whimpered.

"God baby, I'm sorry. Does it hurt too much?" He was getting angry once again.

"A little, but it won't kill me. Come, let's tend to your cuts and go to bed."

We lay there, naked under the covers an hour later. Just grinning at each other and softly touching and kissing the other's skin. We were both mindful of the bruises from earlier, but despite the pain, the electricity of his touch was still there.

After our confessions, we had truly made love even though it was what we'd been feeling for a while. Now that it was in the open, every touch and caress, every kiss and lick felt stronger, more powerful. When we came, it was the release not only of our bodies, but of everything that we had been holding in for the last few weeks, months and years even. Pain, hurt, fear, it all went away and was replaced in that single instant by love and a future and happiness and hope.

Yes, we were truly making love.

"I love you. I can't believe I get to say it whenever I want to now. I never wanted to tell you that this way." He looked like a kid on Christmas morning.

"I know."

After a few moments of quietness, I asked. "What will happen with Emmett now?"

I felt bad about this night, that this had to happen for Edward to tell me he loved me, and that Emmett was there to witness it. I didn't know how much it had hurt him.

"I don't know." He sighed. "He now knows that I feel more for you, but I don't know how will that change his views. Better? Worse? We need to talk, but I don't want to push him. And all the stuff he said about mom and dad? And me? I need to give him space."

I could tell he hated doing this though, but he needed the space as well. He was angry at Emmett and very much hurt, so talking to him now, could turn things for the worse.

We fell asleep a little later, listening to each other's heartbeats, heartbeats that now sounded different to my ears. Stronger, singing to me, calling me.

Little did I know that it would be last peaceful night of sleep that Edward would have in the next few weeks.

O~o~O~FM~O~o~O

It had been two weeks since that night at Edward's studio. And every single day I felt so guilty and sad about how things had unravelled. I had no one to blame but myself.

I spent almost every night with Edward after that, and to see him slowly lose his light, was killing me. He had been sleeping less and less, whether from nightmares plaguing his sleep or worrying about the future, only wanting to hold me or make frantic love to me. He needed the reassurance that I was not going anywhere, that I was real. That _we_ were real.

His work had changed as well, much darker paintings and sketches lining up the walls. Angry shapes, dark colors and strong strokes filling up the blank spaces. I often found him almost stabbing the canvases, loud music surrounding him, paint all over the floor even.

It was his way of letting it all out and I gave him his space, but it didn't mean it didn't hurt to see him like that.

There were times when he was better though. Times when he was calm enough and the paintings were much softer, but not like before. They were even better. I didn't know how he did it actually, but my heart cried or laughed when I saw the end result of them. He was reaching a new stage in his work, one that would definitely take him to a level of greatness.

And God was I proud of him.

"Hey."

I had woken up alone in bed, his side cold. So after putting on one of his t-shirts, I went looking for him, finding him where I often did on nights like this. Sitting by the window, staring up at the sky.

"Hey, you. Sorry I woke you up." He didn't even turn to face me.

"You didn't. The bed just felt cold without you. You couldn't sleep?" I encircled his waist from behind, resting my head between his shoulder blades.

"Yeah. I had an idea for a sketch, but when I got to my sketch book, the inspiration just ... disappeared." This was one of his bad days, days when ideas just flew away.

I tried to hold the tears from falling, but I just couldn't. He sounded so defeated. The Edward from two weeks ago, would've found new inspiration, not because he'd force it, but because on his way to the sketch book, he would've seen something else that caught his eye. This Edward, however, was so numb now that he couldn't care enough to see anything else around him for the moment.

"Bella?" He turned, a concerned look on his face. It was almost as if he had just realized I was there. He didn't even know what was going on.

I only shook my head and buried my face in his chest. He understood that was all I needed and rocked me slightly back and forth.

That night, I was the one that couldn't sleep.

I kept guard on his restless sleep.

O~o~O~FM~O~o~O

That Sunday, Edward had to spend the morning at brunch with his agent, talking business and the prospect of an exposition in the next few months. Edward hated dealing with those sort of things, but he had been procrastinating for too long and that was the only day Peter could do it before flying out of town.

He went alone and I took the opportunity to do some grocery shopping to cook for him that night. It was fun doing that with Edward, even though he didn't cook that much. Though he had forgotten a lot, he did pick up some tips for cooking Italian food, real Italian food as he often said.

I only rolled my eyes.

As I was opening the door to my place, carrying all those bags, a voice behind me startled me almost making me drop the bags.

"How many people are you cooking for, Bella?" Her voice was soft and carried a little bit of amusement, but the undertone of it was sadness, pure and raw sadness. Just like her son's.

"Hello, Esme. You scared me there." I went inside, leaving the door open, an invitation for her to enter as well.

"I see you got the lamps we saw a while ago." She was being polite and the epitome of poise as she made her way to the couch.

I was a mess. My hands were shaking as I set the bags aside.

"Yeah. I came back the weekend after we saw them. I couldn't keep away." I laughed nervously. "Would you like something to drink?"

"Yes, I'd love some iced water if you have any."

After a few minutes of me trying to keep my hands steady and not drop the glass, we were sitting on opposite sides of the couch.

"Bella, I am here to talk about my son," she said after a while as she set the glass down on the table in front of us.

"How is Edward?" She looked at me with the same sad eyes that Edward had been carrying around.

"He's not well, Esme." I couldn't lie to her about Edward.

"I thought as much," she sighed.

"He had always been so in touch with his feelings, even as a child. Everything he does is with passion, even when he was at his lowest. That's why Carlisle and I worried so much for him when he got into the drugs." Esme closed her eyes, as if she was reliving those hard years.

"We knew that once he got in that world, it would be next to impossible to get him out of it. He refused our help time after time, and the few times when we got him into rehab, he never put an effort into it. It didn't help that he thought he was better than all of us, so our opinions meant next to nothing to him."

I had heard this story from Edward and he was so sorry for what he did to them, what he made them go through. Hearing it from Esme would make him feel even more guilty, but he needed to hear it.

"Have you talked to him about this?" I knew they hadn't, but I still felt I should ask.

"No. We had been avoiding bringing up the subject ever since he got back and after that dinner a few weeks ago ... we haven't talked at all."

"Why don't you? Why don't you talk to him, Esme? He's so tortured about your rift and I've tried to help him, tried to pull him up, but this is cutting deep into his soul and I know yours as well. You need to talk, but you need to take the first step. He needs to know that you're open to talk, to listen. As it is, he's like a hurt little boy, afraid to have lost his mother's love over this."

Esme cried when she heard this and it wasn't even half of the things that I'd seen Edward go through for the past weeks. But it wasn't my place to say more.

"I know, I know. That's why I'm here today, Bella. I wanted to talk to you before I got to him, because he will need you much more from now on. He will torture himself even more now and he won't look for comfort in me this time. He'll go to you and I need to know that you're in this one hundred percent."

She was asking me for my help? That was the last thing I thought she'd ever say.

"I am, Esme. I'm in love with Edward and I'm not going anywhere without him. I know my word means nothing to you right now, but I'm giving it to you. I'll be there for him for as long as he needs me."

There was a slight change in her face when I said I loved her son. Happiness?

"You're right, it might be hard for me to believe your words now, after Emmett. But you do love him; I see that. You were willing to go through all of this to be with him, so I may have trouble believing your words, but I do believe your heart. And it's Edward's."

"I'm not happy about what happened, as I said before, but it did and I can't change that. I see the way you both take care of each other, move as one. I tried to deny it, bit it's clear as water now." She shook her head.

"I can't totally trust you anymore, Bella. You were like a daughter to me; you were going to be my daughter-in-law in a few months, but you'll be in our lives for a long time now. I want my son back, but not the one I had before Italy. I want the son I had after he came back, after he met _you_."

"Esme, I-" She interrupted me.

"But you can see that it's not easy to accept what you two have, even if it's the best thing that has happened to Edward. Because at the end of the day, this hurt my other son. As it is, this is an impossible situation. The happiness of one is the pain of the other and that's something I can't accept, can't support."

"And _I_ am that happiness and pain." I whispered.

"Yes, you are. Like I said, I know you'll be with us for a long time, but right now I can't welcome you with open arms. Right now you are the one tearing my sons apart."

"You want me to stay away, don't you?"

"Yes and no. Like I said, Edward will need you more than ever now and I know neither of you will survive without the other. But I can't have you in our lives yet. Maybe someday, just not now. I need to trust you again but, before that, I need to work on my own family."

"I understand. I know I have to earn my place in your family again and I'll wait for as long as I have to, for you, for me and mostly for Edward. I told you Esme, I'm not going anywhere without Edward."

"I'm glad to hear that." She smiled a knowing smile and stared at me for a minute, I guess trying to read the truth of my words.

"Ok, now I have to go." She stood up. "I'm glad we talked about this."

She made her way to the door and just before she reached it, I just had to ask.

"How is he, Esme?" She froze instantly and for a second I regretted my question.

"He's ... Emmett. He looks fine, tough on the outside, but he's confused and angry, more after the _encounter_ he had with Edward two weeks ago. We asked him to stay with us for the time being. He shouldn't be alone right now." Esme didn't turn as she said this.

"You're right, he shouldn't." And I didn't mean just now.

"Goodbye, Bella."

"Goodbye, Esme."

And she left, leaving me feeling lighter to some extent. Things may not ever be the same between us, but for Emmett and Edward we would make it work. It would take time, but I was being truthful when I said that I'd wait for as long as I had to.

That night I told Edward about Esme's visit. He was anxious about it and wanted to know every detail. But there was also hope in him, hope that things would turn out for him and his parents.

And for the first time in two weeks, Edward had a peaceful sleep that night, with me no longer needing to guard against the nightmares, but to watch him smile with no worries.

O~o~O~FM~O~o~O

Two weeks later, I was spending the morning buying new books to add to my collection and also to do some research for this new author I was going to start working with.

Edward was spending the morning with Esme and Carlisle at brunch. He didn't like that I wasn't going with him, but after much talking, he realized that it wasn't the time for me to be there. If he wanted to start patching things up with them, they needed to talk. Alone.

The day after Esme's visit, she had called him to have lunch on Thursday. He had been so nervous, his stress levels off the charts. But he knew it was the first step he had been waiting for all along.

When I saw him that night he looked like a zombie, sitting there by the window. I was sure things had gone terribly wrong between them.

He didn't talk, but he let me hold him and slowly started to relax. We made love that night, but it was more to comfort him than anything. He needed to feel something other than pain and sadness, and I wanted to be that comfort.

They had gotten together a few times since and every time, it left him raw and exposed. Sometimes, he wanted to fuck hard and fast, others slow and tender. Sometimes he just wanted to be held while he cried over what Esme had said, for what they should've talked about years ago.

It didn't matter what his mood was when I saw him after those meetings, I was there for him, giving him the only comfort I knew he needed and craved. Esme had been right, it was now that Edward needed me more than ever, and I was not going to let him down.

As I was reaching for my keys to leave my apartment, there was a knock on the door. The person on the other side surprised me.

Emmett.

"Hi, Bella. Can I come in?" He looked insecure and vulnerable. An Emmett I never thought I'd see.

After what happened the last time we saw each other, I was a more than a little apprehensive about letting him in. I didn't know his state of mind right at the moment and he had been very violent at his place and then at Edward's studio.

He saw my hesitance.

"I'm only here to talk, I promise." He smiled and raised his hands in surrender.

Emmett's relationship with Edward was another thing altogether. They hadn't talked to each other since the fight and for the moment, Esme was the one trying to build a bridge between them. They had yet to cross it.

After a few seconds of thinking it over, I let him in reluctantly. Still, I kept my distance from him; I was still a little afraid. As he made his way to the couch, I couldn't help but think about the last time someone sat there and had a very important discussion with me.

"Your place looks nice. Is this new?" He motioned to the couch.

"Um, not really. I've had it for years now; I think it's time to change it out now." Especially after all the intense talks that had been held there for the past month.

"Oh yeah. Sorry, I guess I never noticed." Which was obvious really, considering he had been in my apartment only a handful of times.

"You want something to drink?"

"No thanks." God, this was awkward as hell. I wanted him there, finally open to talk, but at the same time I was afraid it could turn into a repeat performance of the last time.

"So, how are you, Emmett?" That seemed harmless enough.

"Well." He sighed. "I've been better to tell you the truth." I cringed at that. "But I'm getting there."

"Good."

There was such an uncomfortable silence. This was worse than with Esme.

"God, I deal with assholes every day, managing thousands of dollars and I can't even talk to you now." He was shaking his head, frustrated with our situation.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm sorry for how I reacted at Edward's and at my apartment. I shouldn't have treated you that way, no matter how angry I was. It was disgusting."

"Are they ok?" He looked at my hands then, I assumed trying to see if the bruises were still there.

"Yeah, they healed alright. My arm is better now as well." It was true, it was nothing but bruising, but it did make Edward angry to see them, to know why they were there. I was glad he hadn't approached Emmett after that. I was sure of another fight.

"It hurt me to see you like that," I said softly. He was scary looking that day, but the pain radiating from his body was what shook me the most.

"I'm sorry, Emmett. I know it probably means nothing to you right now, but I am. I'm truly sorry for how things turned out and that I hurt you and your family."

"You're sorry for how things turned out, but not for being with Edward." His tone was not angry, but more acknowledging what he said as a fact. He was looking at his hands in front of him now, refusing to look anywhere else.

"No, I'm not."

"I know I asked you this before, but what happened to us, Bella? I thought we were happy. You _looked_ happy."

Ok, this was it. What we should've talked about a long time ago.

"I thought I was at the moment. I thought I was happy with you and what our future held before us, but the more time went by, the more I realized that I couldn't see a future with you anymore. I couldn't picture us together years from now." I sighed.

"We changed so much during our relationship and didn't even notice. We slowly drifted apart and in the end, we just went with the flow of things. I guess it was easier than to face the reality."

He said nothing, just letting my words sink in.

"It all became clear the moment I met ... Edward." I didn't want to rub my relationship with Edward in, but he needed to hear it.

"It was clear then that what we've been having up until that moment was not how things were supposed to be. Edward was not an itch I needed to scratch before we got married, Emmett. I know it's wrong of me to say this to you right now, but I love him and I see a future with him. A future I also wish for you ... with someone else."

He stood up quickly and made his way around the room. It suddenly felt very small.

"I can't say it doesn't hurt to hear that, to hear that I wasn't enough. But I see what you're saying. I saw that too, you know, but I thought it would pass, that we'd be ok in the end. How wrong was I." He stopped right in front of me.

"I've been staying with Mom and Dad for the last few weeks and we've been talking a lot about not only this situation, but about all the crap we'd been holding in all these years. I love them, Bella, but seeing their happy marriage sometimes made me feel bitter and afraid that I might never find that for me, and that feeling only made me feel guilty."

He sat next to me.

"I guess the reason I didn't see that we were not meant to be together, that I didn't _want_ to see it was that, in the end, I wanted what Mom and Dad had for myself. I had been so tired of being surrounded by shit; Mom worried about Edward, me trying to, somehow, compensate that by being the perfect son I thought they needed, but pretty much failing at that. I just wanted some happiness for _me _for once and I saw their marriage as the happiest thing around me.

"They adored you from the first day. You'd be a great wife and mother one day and I let that blind me to what was really in front of me. I didn't see what you wanted, what you needed from me ... a partner, someone to share your life with. I only saw that you fit into my idea of a perfect life and I continued to act as if I was still single, not really including you or asking for your opinion. It could've been anyone that fit that idea. You just happened to be there at the right moment."

Wow, that hurt. He truly wanted a Stepford wife and I just didn't fit into that picture. Images of that night at his place, being overwhelmed in his apartment assaulted me.

He saw me frown and added. "Don't get me wrong. I cared for you, I _care_. I saw that you were gentle and funny and just so good the more I got to know you, and that solidified my decision to marry you. I convinced myself of that.

"But that turned to guilt when I thought about what I was doing. I wasn't being honest to you at all. And I realized it when Rosalie entered my life."

He was smiling now. The mere mention of her name made him smile and be happy. Just like Edward for me, this woman was his future, or at least the possibility of one. I felt happy for him.

"When we talked and joked around, it was so damn _easy_, you know? Easier than being with you. She listened and didn't take any of my crap." He smiled a little, remembering something. "So I ended up spending more time at the office just to see her. Coffee, meetings, anything. I justified my behavior by thinking that you would be ok with it and that you could spend time with my parents since you seem to be so close, and then also Edward, seeing that you had so much in common.

"It's not like you didn't listen to me; really, I just didn't feel like I had anything to say to you. I wanted things to stay the same with you, easy, happy, without problems. But she was the one that opened my eyes to what really surrounded me and with her I realized that you and me, Bella, we were not meant to be." I wanted to laugh at that. It had taken outsiders to point out what was right in front of us.

I felt the same way about Edward. I wanted him to really know me, to see my flaws, to see me cry over the silliest things, to give me space when I felt like it and come back when I needed him. From the way he talked about this girl, I could see these were things Emmett wanted as well. We just weren't willing to give them to each other.

"Are you with her now?" I hated to sound so weak asking him this, like it pained me to hear his answer. It really didn't, but still, it was hard to imagine him with someone else.

"Not that is any of your business anymore," he said a little tense. "But we've talked. I don't know how things will be from now on with her, but after a long time, I'm happy not knowing what's gonna happen."

It was strange not being in his life anymore, not knowing what was happening with him, but this Rosalie girl was giving him just what he needed and for that I was grateful.

From what he said before, he was ready to break things off a long time ago. What made him change his mind? … And then I remembered his words from a few weeks before.

Edward.

"You changed your mind when Edward came back, didn't you?"

"Yes. I was so angry at him and Mom and Dad for accepting him with open arms just like that. I just couldn't even think straight. And when I saw a connection between the two of you at dinner and even more when I saw you at the park, I all but lost it. Suddenly, I _couldn't_ let you go because it was the only way to hurt him."

We both leaned back to the couch, thinking about what he had just said. Emmett had used me all this time, first to give himself some kind of satisfaction that he had the perfect life, much like his parents, and then to hurt Edward. It was so much to process.

"It wasn't just you, you know," I told him, and he turned his head to me.

"You weren't the only one using someone. In a way I was using you as well at the beginning and then I was too much of a coward to break things off. My mother left my dad when I was young and it's hard to admit that as much as I didn't want it to affect me, it did. I saw how my dad was after her. It was so unfair to him, to give up on his life to take care of a little girl. I know he doesn't see it that way, but I do."

I had been so naive to think that my mom leaving wouldn't leave a big mark on my life.

"So when we started dating, I saw you were a great guy, someone that could make me happy and give me the life I always thought my family should've had. And I held on to you, held on to the possibility of happiness. But as time went by, I realized how stupid that was and that it wasn't enough to just want to have a happy perfect life, for there is no such thing. There was something missing between the two of us and it was Edward's presence in my life that showed me that. That I didn't have to settle."

The thought of Edward at that moment made me smile and feel the warmth of his love spread throughout my body. Yes, Edward was different than anyone I had ever known.

"God, what a pair we are." He groaned.

"We both got into this for all the wrong reasons. It was doomed from the start but we stupidly clung to it. I can honestly say that we _all _made mistakes here and admitting that to myself has helped a little, but I'm still angry and hurt."

I was glad he was starting to see things like this. We all made mistakes not only about our actions, but also they way we handled them. Even him. And hearing him say this made me feel a little more positive about things for the future, especially for Edward.

"Are we going to be ok?" I knew it was a long shot, but I had to ask.

"I don't know. Not right now but maybe someday. I know you're with Edward and from the looks of it, you'll be together for years now. So I'm gonna have to at least get used to the fact that you two are together, but it's too soon. I hurt you, you hurt me. A big clusterfuck. I don't think we can be completely ok ever again."

And I truly did understand.

"We all need time now. Things with Edward are still difficult and it still makes me angry and sad to see you. We won't ever be what we used to be, but at least we can be civil to each other ... in time."

Time.

It was incredible to see this man in front of me, so changed from the first time I met him. But after all of this, we all changed, some for the better and some for the worse. It was inevitable that it would reach him as well.

He stood up and headed to the door, once he reached it, he turned.

"I'm sorry, Bella. For everything I did and especially for what I didn't."

"I made that mistake as well, Emmett. And I'm sorry."

"Good luck with everything. I know he loves you, I should've seen that earlier."

"And good luck to you, Emmett. Hope you find the peace you've been looking for."

And he left, leaving a past behind him that never should've happen, but walking toward a future that was already shaping before him.

O~o~O~FM~O~o~O

"This is nice." I heard Edward's voice beside me.

"Mhmmm." It was all I could say at the moment. It did feel nice.

We were sitting under his tree at the park, warmed by a blanket. My eyes closed, leaning on his shoulder while Edward drew. The little sun that came out earlier felt great shining down on us, warming us.

"Thank God, for these little rays today. The weather is freezing." I said, still with my eyes closed, trying to prolong the moment.

"I know. I'll miss coming here though, but I guess we could find new things to do at home." He smiled against my cheek and ran his hand through my hair, bringing my mouth to his.

It was still rather surprising to feel him be this affectionate in public. We had nothing to hide anymore and we were truly free to touch and kiss in public, but it was still something that sometimes made me feel apprehensive. He had been like this for a few weeks now and even though we had been together for longer than that, everything about these last weeks felt new and exciting.

I guessed it truly was.

It had been a month since Emmett's visit and things had been slowly changing for the better.

Edward had taken me on dates all around the city, places I hadn't even noticed when I had passed by them occasionally, like little restaurants, galleries, parks. Places that he had discovered throughout the years in his need to see the world, to truly see it. Every date felt so special, made only for us, that it was impossible to contain the feeling of happiness and to keep our hands to ourselves once we got back to his place.

_Home_.

I had been spending so much time there that now it truly felt like home. Well, any place that had him in it felt like home, but this felt even more special. Edward had made sure to make space for my things, to make a place for _me_ in his life. It was hard not to think of that little studio as home after that.

He gave me a drawer in his bedroom, the left side of his bathroom cabinet, which quickly turned into the whole thing for myself; he even bought a shelf to keep my books in order. I thought it was adorable of him and the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for me. I cried for ten minutes when I saw the shelf. I felt him roll his eyes more than once while he tried to console me.

It made my heart swell with happiness as I understood what that all meant, proof once again of how serious he was about us. I cried some more.

As for his family, he had been talking to Esme more often now, but there were bigger issues there that they needed to deal with before moving on and getting past everything. But they were working on them, working on them because that was what you do when you love someone, you work and fight for them.

There were still days when he came home distraught by their talks and as always, I was there for what he needed. Although these days were becoming few and far in between.

The situation with Emmett was more complicated. There was still the fact that I had cheated with Edward, but their relationship had been fractured for years before that. It was a slow process but they were also getting there. Now they were able to stay in the same room for at least an hour without yelling at each other.

My relationship with them had changed as well. I missed Esme and her talks, but I understood she was hurt and needed time to process what had happened. She needed time to trust me again, if that was to ever happen again. As for Emmett, we were civil to the other whenever the opportunity arose, but it still felt awkward and forced. Still, I encouraged Edward to attend family dinners with them, even when I didn't go myself.

"I bet you'll find us something to do," I laughed against his mouth. Now that I had full access to it and everywhere I wanted it, I couldn't get enough of those lips.

Edward dropped his sketch book to the side and brought me closely to him, his beautiful lips kissing and whispering 'I love yous' to the top of my head. He made me feel so giddy sometimes. It was sadly a foreign concept to me until I met him, but one I was thoroughly embracing and getting used to. I felt so loved and cared for; I made sure he felt the same way every single day.

As we held each other and watched as people passed by, I couldn't help but think of how much we had gone through in the last couple of months. We had both come the park to escape the world for a few hours a day, never knowing that it would be there, under those trees, that we'd find what we'd been looking for ... new life.

Our road had been far from perfect, handled in a way that hurt people we cared about deeply. Relationships that we probably could never mend completely again, at least not to the way they were before, but we were willing to wait for however long it took. In the end, I could truly say that it was a price we were willing to pay again, if it meant we could be together like this.

Even with the consequences of our actions, we were now facing a new future, one full of possibilities. It was exciting and scary and one that I knew I wanted to face with him by my side.

Edward often said that I was his muse, forbidden at the beginning, but one that inspired his life and brought him back to life again after years of darkness. He said that I was his light. And in him, I found life again as well. I had been sleeping for so long, just existing. He showed me that I didn't have to settle, that I was worth more than I was getting.

In the end, we were the sparkle that had been missing in each other's lives and hearts and I couldn't wait to see where that would lead us. What kind of new colors and light we would create together.

"Let's go home, baby." He whispered to my ear.

I turned to him and in those beautiful eyes, I could already see the colors of new things to come.

"Yes, let's go home."

The End.

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**And that's that. The end of this road for these two kids and the beginning of a new path, one where Bella is no longer forbidden and they don't have to hide :-)**

**Like I said before, everything you read was in my original outline for the Pick A Pic O/S (minus few scenes I added in time) but never got to write because I went too wordy. As it is, I always thought of ending this story here, the point where Bella stops being forbidden. After this, she's his heart's muse more than anything. Hope it made sense for all of you.**

**Also, I can't thank you enough for taking the chance to read my oh so many words, and being that this was my very first story in the world, the thanks are double in amount. The fact that you were willing to read anything I write, besides my tweets, is amazing. To the people who read the enormous original O/S … wow, you're brave. And to the rest who showed up later, thanks for stopping by.**

**Thanks for reading and if you feel so inclined to do so, drop me a few lines to tell what you thought, I'd love to hear it. Good? Bad? Made no sense? I should just stick to O/Ss? I don't know, whatever you want to say. It's a learning experience for me.  
**

**Once again, thanks for reading :-)**

**Love, CL82**


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